Dizzy & sleepy, these two words describe me at this very moment. I’m still at the office, waiting to go home at 6:00 pm. . Recently, there is not much work to do…. The update process has run smoothly without errors…. The figure in the new report doesn’t have major discrepancy to be rectified.
The dizziness and sleepiness I’m having now was contribute by my lack of sleep in this couple of days. I think one of the reasons I’m hardly to fall asleep at night because of not taking my Lexapro in this couple of days. Yeah… I’ve told you before I have problem taking medication on regular basis. The consequences of my lack of discipline cause me to become unfocused during morning working hour; it would subside gradually in the afternoon and in the evening and at night I would become more excitement in doing things such as watching TV unstoppable…series after series, reading the whole book at one night stand and enthusiastically surf the Internet page after page. I would only sleep at 3 or 4 am.
Supposedly my first one month box of Lexapro is to be finished consumes until early December and the psychiatrist asked me to make appointment with her when my medicine finished. But until now I haven’t finished it yet… I have another 7 pills left in my handbag …..
You are strictly advised not to follow my foot step……
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
Monday, 28 December 2009
Fall in love with Tekala again
Last Christmas the 6 of us went barbeque picnic at Sungai Tekala for the second time. I’ve prepared marinated prawns and boiled eggs for the picnic. Thanks to my friend Ruby to let me join the crowd :o) as this was actually an all EPF and ex-EPF staffs outing. I really have a fun and good time there.
We took a different route this time, from Puchong we use Kajang highway and after the first toll we took the first exit on the left, enter a small town (i'm not sure what's the town name), turn left again.... go further forward into a small town...we saw schools, community hall, shoplots, a hot spring (again ...didn't catch the exact name) and a lot of kampung houses.....there's a small signboard of Sungai Tekala which told us to turn right...... obligating the signboard sign...we take right turn into a small oldtown again (looks older than the earlier town we passed by), this time around the shoplots seems like were built during the colonial era. There are a small 'flea market' along the road in the small oldtown that sold 'Kampung' vegetation and poultry such as pucuk paku, ulam raja, petai, jering and all sorts of ulam-ulaman. We drove further into the village, saw a signboard of Sungai Tekali campsite (this reminds me about a conversation between me and my ex- high school classmate after my first trip to Sungai Tekala back on 23 May 2009, the day that I mistakenly brought 2 t-shirts instead of a t-shirt and a trouser as my bath suit, actually the conversation involved us getting confused of the name, was it Tekala or Tekali ? Were we referring to the same place or not? Now, i have the answer...) , after that the road start to get a little bit zig-zag and then we reached a T-junction and took the right turn, and here comes the beautiful damn in the middle of rainforest, it was a breathtaking sight. Not far from the damn, i think about 10 minutes, there's the entrance of Sungai Tekala on our right.
Wonder why i just jot down the pathway journey to Sungai Tekala.....? It is for my own good sake, because i am prone to forget the route, any route...no matter how easy it was..... Sungai Tekala is a special place (for me), it is beautiful, well manage, well kept, well maintain and well accommodate recreational place and i'm planning to go there again. So, before my memory fails me, i better wrote down what i remember for future reference.....:)
Credits to http://www.amrili.fotopages.com/ for the beautiful Sungai Tekala picture and www.bugtoo.multiply.com for the map
Friday, 18 December 2009
At Office on Public Holiday
So sleepy yet need to finish my work... waiting for the boss to come and collect the report and wondering until now why isn't he here yet? Traffic jam shouldn't be the problem ... Procrastinate for being at work on public holiday? well i think it's more rational reason compare to traffic jam .....
Should i just pass this report to my colleague and ask his assistance to give it to our 'late coming' fund manager ? Or i just wait & wait....? Ouh... i think i need to put on benchmark until what time should i waited for him ... i think 3:00 PM is reasonable... After that i will just ask someone help .... and head back home...
I will be going back to Muar after this... need to do some packing first.... Yeay...Muar here i come again...Ouh and before that i need to buy my prepaid top up... must reply text from my friend who asked my agreement to prepare some food for our barbeque picnic on 25 December.... Yeay ...will go for picnic next week..!
Last night we went to Cheras uptown until 1 AM, my cousin wants to buy a travelling bag....
and i only felt asleep at 3 AM in the living room....however i woke up on 4 AM because of the buzzzzziiinggg sound i heard ... and there it is a big black bee inside my house and my cat 'Ewok' try to play catch and release with the bee which has disturbed my sleep....afraid of being stung by the bee i ran into study room and continue my sleep there.....At 7 AM..my cousin called to wake me up and then we jog around the recreational park this morning together with my mother and sister..... and now here i am....sleepy at the office...
Should i just pass this report to my colleague and ask his assistance to give it to our 'late coming' fund manager ? Or i just wait & wait....? Ouh... i think i need to put on benchmark until what time should i waited for him ... i think 3:00 PM is reasonable... After that i will just ask someone help .... and head back home...
I will be going back to Muar after this... need to do some packing first.... Yeay...Muar here i come again...Ouh and before that i need to buy my prepaid top up... must reply text from my friend who asked my agreement to prepare some food for our barbeque picnic on 25 December.... Yeay ...will go for picnic next week..!
Last night we went to Cheras uptown until 1 AM, my cousin wants to buy a travelling bag....
and i only felt asleep at 3 AM in the living room....however i woke up on 4 AM because of the buzzzzziiinggg sound i heard ... and there it is a big black bee inside my house and my cat 'Ewok' try to play catch and release with the bee which has disturbed my sleep....afraid of being stung by the bee i ran into study room and continue my sleep there.....At 7 AM..my cousin called to wake me up and then we jog around the recreational park this morning together with my mother and sister..... and now here i am....sleepy at the office...
Derita Budak Halusinasi
Susunan Fairul Asmaini Mohd Pilus www.hmetro.com.my
IMAGINASI kanak-kanak memang tiada had sempadan. Ada yang gemar tampil dengan pakaian super hero kegemaran atau berangan menjadi puteri.Namun, tidak semua imaginasi itu bagus untuk proses pembesaran kanak-kanak kerana ada ketikanya halusinasi itu mampu mendorong kepada kelakuan yang menakutkan. Bagi, pasangan Michael dan Susan Schofield, mereka tahu bagaimana penyakit mental mampu merosakkan kehidupan indah seorang kanak-kanak. Anak mereka, January ' Jani', 7, disahkan mengidap penyakit schizophrenia yang amat jarang ditemui pada kanak-kanak.
Berdasarkan Institut Kesihatan Mental Kebangsaan Amerika Syarikat (AS), schizophrenia adalah satu penyakit kerosakan otak yang menyebabkan penghidapnya mendengar suara ghaib dan menyalah anggap kehidupan realiti.
Dalam sesetengah kes, pesakit turut menganggap masyarakat sekeliling merancang untuk memusnahkan mereka dan akhirnya berlaku kemurungan dan kelakuan yang luar biasa. Michael yang juga seorang profesor bahasa Inggeris di sebuah kolej berkata, sejak beberapa tahun kebelakangan ini, Jani 'bertemu' lebih 200 jenis kucing, anjing, burung dan kanak-kanak kecil yang anaknya saja boleh melihatnya.
Sejak hari pertama Jani dilahirkan, Michael berkata dia dan Susan mengesan sesuatu luar biasa pada anak sulungnya. Deria Jani lebih bijak berbanding bayi seusia dengannya dan anaknya itu mempunyai tabiat tidur yang berlainan. "Kebanyakan bayi tidur kira-kira 16 jam sehari tetapi Jani hanya tidur sekitar 20 minit setiap kali ditidurkan. "Ia menyebabkan Jani hanya tidur empat jam saja sehari" katanya. Selain itu, apabila usianya mencecah dua tahun, Jani menggelarkan dirinya dengan pelbagai nama termasuk Blue- Eyed Tree Frog serta Jani Firefly.
Imaginasi Jani juga semakin kuat daripada tahun ke tahun dan ketika umurnya mencecah lima tahun, kelakuannya semakin berbahaya serta sukar dikawal. "Jani akan mencakar badannya sehingga keluar darah. Dia cuba mencakar muka saya dan mengeluarkan mata. "Tetapi beberapa saat kemudian, Jani kembali normal dan berkelakuan seperti tiada apa yang berlaku. "Kelakuan Jani memang menakutkan tetapi saya dan isteri perlu sentiasa berwaspada memandangkan Jani kini mempunyai adik lelaki, Bodhi," katanya. Jani pernah memberitahu kepada mereka mengenai haiwan imaginasinya bernama Wednesday dan 400 yang menyuruh dirinya untuk memukul sesuatu. Seandainya Jani enggan, haiwan itu dikatakan akan mencakar serta menggigitnya. Susan berkata, dia dan suaminya pernah menemui Jani yang cuba terjun daripada tingkap biliknya kerana marah dihukum berada dalam biliknya. Namun, Jani seorang kanak-kanak yang pintar dan amat meminati Sains serta Matematik. "Jani pernah diuji dan markah tahap kecerdasannya ialah 146. Ia ternyata amat mengejutkan kami," katanya.
Antara Januari hingga Ogos tahun ini, Jani dimasukkan ke wad psikiatrik Pusat Perubatan UCLA sebanyak tiga kali selama 174 hari. Pakar, Dr Mark DeAntonio berkata, kes seperti itu amat jarang dijumpai pada kanak-kanak seusia dengan Jani. "Keadaan yang dialami Jani amat menakutkan dan mengganggu proses pembesarannya. Penyakit itu mungkin satu dijumpai dalam tempoh 20 tahun," katanya. Penyakit itu memang sukar untuk diubati tetapi doktor masih berusaha mengawal kelakuan luar biasanya dengan memberi ubat kuat."Jani mengambil 200 miligram (mg) Clozaril dan 600 mg litium setiap hari. Ubat itu amat kuat untuk mengawal otaknya kerana Clozaril adalah penyelesaian terakhir bagi pengidap Schizohrenia dewasa," kata doctor. Biarpun mengambil ubat, kelakuan Jani tetap sukar dikawal. Justeru, mereka terpaksa memisahkan Jani dari adiknya."Kami sukar melelapkan mata tanpa memikirkan keselamatan Bodhi kerana Jani boleh menyerangnya pada bila-bila masa," katanya.
Bagi memberi peluang kepada anaknya itu untuk menikmati kehidupan yang normal, mereka menghantar Jani ke sekolah awam yang menyediakan guru khas. "Jani tidak berkawan dengan kanak-kanak lain seperti yang kami harapkan kerana dia hanya bermain dengan haiwan imaginasinya iaitu seekor cicak bernama Spikes. "Sebagai ibu bapa, kami tidak akan berputus asa mengubati penyakit Jani," katanya.
Masalah Jani menyebabkan hubungan Michael dan Susan retak. "Pernah saya memikirkan untuk menamatkan semua ini dengan cepat kerana sudah tidak tahan. "Saya pernah cuba membunuh diri dengan mengambil ubat penenang." katanya Sementara itu, kisah keluarga ini turut menarik perhatian selebriti terkenal, Oprah Winfrey yang sanggup terbang daripada California untuk menghabiskan masa sepetang bersama keluarga berkenaan. Selepas sejam, Oprah mengakui dia tidak mempunyai kesabaran dan ketabahan seperti yang dimiliki pasangan itu. "Saya tertanya-tanya bagaimana pasangan ini dapat melaluinya sejak bertahun-tahun sedangkan untuk sejam pun saya tidak tahan menjaganya. "Itulah istimewanya hubungan ibu bapa dan anak. Apa yang menggembirakan saya ialah pasangan Michael dan Susan berjanji untuk menjaga Jani sebaik mungkin," kata Oprah dalam rancangan bual bicaranya, baru-baru ini.
IMAGINASI kanak-kanak memang tiada had sempadan. Ada yang gemar tampil dengan pakaian super hero kegemaran atau berangan menjadi puteri.Namun, tidak semua imaginasi itu bagus untuk proses pembesaran kanak-kanak kerana ada ketikanya halusinasi itu mampu mendorong kepada kelakuan yang menakutkan. Bagi, pasangan Michael dan Susan Schofield, mereka tahu bagaimana penyakit mental mampu merosakkan kehidupan indah seorang kanak-kanak. Anak mereka, January ' Jani', 7, disahkan mengidap penyakit schizophrenia yang amat jarang ditemui pada kanak-kanak.
Berdasarkan Institut Kesihatan Mental Kebangsaan Amerika Syarikat (AS), schizophrenia adalah satu penyakit kerosakan otak yang menyebabkan penghidapnya mendengar suara ghaib dan menyalah anggap kehidupan realiti.
Dalam sesetengah kes, pesakit turut menganggap masyarakat sekeliling merancang untuk memusnahkan mereka dan akhirnya berlaku kemurungan dan kelakuan yang luar biasa. Michael yang juga seorang profesor bahasa Inggeris di sebuah kolej berkata, sejak beberapa tahun kebelakangan ini, Jani 'bertemu' lebih 200 jenis kucing, anjing, burung dan kanak-kanak kecil yang anaknya saja boleh melihatnya.
Sejak hari pertama Jani dilahirkan, Michael berkata dia dan Susan mengesan sesuatu luar biasa pada anak sulungnya. Deria Jani lebih bijak berbanding bayi seusia dengannya dan anaknya itu mempunyai tabiat tidur yang berlainan. "Kebanyakan bayi tidur kira-kira 16 jam sehari tetapi Jani hanya tidur sekitar 20 minit setiap kali ditidurkan. "Ia menyebabkan Jani hanya tidur empat jam saja sehari" katanya. Selain itu, apabila usianya mencecah dua tahun, Jani menggelarkan dirinya dengan pelbagai nama termasuk Blue- Eyed Tree Frog serta Jani Firefly.
Imaginasi Jani juga semakin kuat daripada tahun ke tahun dan ketika umurnya mencecah lima tahun, kelakuannya semakin berbahaya serta sukar dikawal. "Jani akan mencakar badannya sehingga keluar darah. Dia cuba mencakar muka saya dan mengeluarkan mata. "Tetapi beberapa saat kemudian, Jani kembali normal dan berkelakuan seperti tiada apa yang berlaku. "Kelakuan Jani memang menakutkan tetapi saya dan isteri perlu sentiasa berwaspada memandangkan Jani kini mempunyai adik lelaki, Bodhi," katanya. Jani pernah memberitahu kepada mereka mengenai haiwan imaginasinya bernama Wednesday dan 400 yang menyuruh dirinya untuk memukul sesuatu. Seandainya Jani enggan, haiwan itu dikatakan akan mencakar serta menggigitnya. Susan berkata, dia dan suaminya pernah menemui Jani yang cuba terjun daripada tingkap biliknya kerana marah dihukum berada dalam biliknya. Namun, Jani seorang kanak-kanak yang pintar dan amat meminati Sains serta Matematik. "Jani pernah diuji dan markah tahap kecerdasannya ialah 146. Ia ternyata amat mengejutkan kami," katanya.
Antara Januari hingga Ogos tahun ini, Jani dimasukkan ke wad psikiatrik Pusat Perubatan UCLA sebanyak tiga kali selama 174 hari. Pakar, Dr Mark DeAntonio berkata, kes seperti itu amat jarang dijumpai pada kanak-kanak seusia dengan Jani. "Keadaan yang dialami Jani amat menakutkan dan mengganggu proses pembesarannya. Penyakit itu mungkin satu dijumpai dalam tempoh 20 tahun," katanya. Penyakit itu memang sukar untuk diubati tetapi doktor masih berusaha mengawal kelakuan luar biasanya dengan memberi ubat kuat."Jani mengambil 200 miligram (mg) Clozaril dan 600 mg litium setiap hari. Ubat itu amat kuat untuk mengawal otaknya kerana Clozaril adalah penyelesaian terakhir bagi pengidap Schizohrenia dewasa," kata doctor. Biarpun mengambil ubat, kelakuan Jani tetap sukar dikawal. Justeru, mereka terpaksa memisahkan Jani dari adiknya."Kami sukar melelapkan mata tanpa memikirkan keselamatan Bodhi kerana Jani boleh menyerangnya pada bila-bila masa," katanya.
Bagi memberi peluang kepada anaknya itu untuk menikmati kehidupan yang normal, mereka menghantar Jani ke sekolah awam yang menyediakan guru khas. "Jani tidak berkawan dengan kanak-kanak lain seperti yang kami harapkan kerana dia hanya bermain dengan haiwan imaginasinya iaitu seekor cicak bernama Spikes. "Sebagai ibu bapa, kami tidak akan berputus asa mengubati penyakit Jani," katanya.
Masalah Jani menyebabkan hubungan Michael dan Susan retak. "Pernah saya memikirkan untuk menamatkan semua ini dengan cepat kerana sudah tidak tahan. "Saya pernah cuba membunuh diri dengan mengambil ubat penenang." katanya Sementara itu, kisah keluarga ini turut menarik perhatian selebriti terkenal, Oprah Winfrey yang sanggup terbang daripada California untuk menghabiskan masa sepetang bersama keluarga berkenaan. Selepas sejam, Oprah mengakui dia tidak mempunyai kesabaran dan ketabahan seperti yang dimiliki pasangan itu. "Saya tertanya-tanya bagaimana pasangan ini dapat melaluinya sejak bertahun-tahun sedangkan untuk sejam pun saya tidak tahan menjaganya. "Itulah istimewanya hubungan ibu bapa dan anak. Apa yang menggembirakan saya ialah pasangan Michael dan Susan berjanji untuk menjaga Jani sebaik mungkin," kata Oprah dalam rancangan bual bicaranya, baru-baru ini.
Friday, 11 December 2009
Caffein and Me...plus a snatch case
I don't know why... lately at work i've started to like coffee again.... i used to love coffee during my school days, but when i began to feel dizzy and my heart beats faster after taking caffeinated drinks i stopped drinking coffee. My psychiatrist also suggested me to stop taking any caffeinated drinks because it will increase anxiety symptoms, as a good patient i've followed her advise, but not for long.....and today i can feel my anxiety have increase and the 'negative thoughts' have come back after they vanished for a month with the help of Lexapro; but today with me began to fall in love with coffee again and not taking Lexapro daily as been told... the 'things' have come back, but still under control.......No more coffee for me please....I hate snatchers, they have been insulting the public severely this few years. Many death case and injuries have been reported lately. Today at my office, a colleague of mine have been injured because of snatcher.... They've snatched her handbag near the parking lot, she has fallen and twisted her leg. Ouh bad snatchers....i hope one day you will be punish on what you have done.
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
Planning Ahead
Only few more days to 2010... and only few more days for the Big B... hehehe....
Yesterday, in the office.... When i feel bored doing my work...i log into internet and started to surf for language classes offered around Taman Tun particularly Mandarin and Arabic....
Wonder why i'm looking for language classes.. and why Mandarin and Arabic ? Because Mandarin is a part of requirement needed for most career offered in Malaysia nowadays, it will be an added value for me if i can speak Mandarin and because i planned to work with my current employer for long term period (because of the Big B offered here is very competitive hehe...) As for Arabic, it's the Quran language and the main language in the Islamic world; as a Muslim i think it is added advantage to know Arabic.......
Well, i just thought learning new languages will make my life more interesting in 2010.. Besides working, shopping & exercising ... learning new languages supposed to be fun and challenging...Don't you think?
Besides language classes, i also thought it will be interesting to attend religious classes at nearby mosque to upgrade my Islamic knowledge in 2010.... i'm getting older and as a Muslim, i definitely need guidance to be a good Muslim. And yessss....These are my target for 2010, to be a better Muslim and to learn a new language.
I saw an advertisement in Masjid Negara website offering Muslimat Classes for 2010-2011 which scheduled every Saturday or Sunday and it perfectly fix with my target requirement... i'm planning to enroll for the class next week and pay RM 400 for the 2 years fee .... Masjid Negara also offered Arabic classes with reasonable fees; however the classes are on weekdays & I can’t attend classes on weekdays, because it would be very hectic to me. There is Mandarin class offered by IIUM Gombak through IFLA programs. The class already started on November 2009 and the next intake will be around March 2010. Starting a class on March next year would be fine for me.....The fee is RM 550 for 40 hours classes including education materials, it’s very reasonable.
Beside Mandarin IFLA IIUM also offer Japanese and French classes… for more info you can go to http://www.iiu.edu.my/ifla
For the Big B plan, it’s time to cut my credit cards and apply for company’s credit card with lower interest…. I’ll definitely use all my Big B to pay for current credit card debts…it’s OK for me as long as the debt is vanished from my life forever….
mmm…. And ohh…I planned to purchase Ikea sofa bed and a pair of comfortable jogging shoe using the company’s credit card…. Hehe…..’gali lubang tutup lubang’…..
Yesterday, in the office.... When i feel bored doing my work...i log into internet and started to surf for language classes offered around Taman Tun particularly Mandarin and Arabic....
Wonder why i'm looking for language classes.. and why Mandarin and Arabic ? Because Mandarin is a part of requirement needed for most career offered in Malaysia nowadays, it will be an added value for me if i can speak Mandarin and because i planned to work with my current employer for long term period (because of the Big B offered here is very competitive hehe...) As for Arabic, it's the Quran language and the main language in the Islamic world; as a Muslim i think it is added advantage to know Arabic.......
Well, i just thought learning new languages will make my life more interesting in 2010.. Besides working, shopping & exercising ... learning new languages supposed to be fun and challenging...Don't you think?
Besides language classes, i also thought it will be interesting to attend religious classes at nearby mosque to upgrade my Islamic knowledge in 2010.... i'm getting older and as a Muslim, i definitely need guidance to be a good Muslim. And yessss....These are my target for 2010, to be a better Muslim and to learn a new language.
I saw an advertisement in Masjid Negara website offering Muslimat Classes for 2010-2011 which scheduled every Saturday or Sunday and it perfectly fix with my target requirement... i'm planning to enroll for the class next week and pay RM 400 for the 2 years fee .... Masjid Negara also offered Arabic classes with reasonable fees; however the classes are on weekdays & I can’t attend classes on weekdays, because it would be very hectic to me. There is Mandarin class offered by IIUM Gombak through IFLA programs. The class already started on November 2009 and the next intake will be around March 2010. Starting a class on March next year would be fine for me.....The fee is RM 550 for 40 hours classes including education materials, it’s very reasonable.
Beside Mandarin IFLA IIUM also offer Japanese and French classes… for more info you can go to http://www.iiu.edu.my/ifla
For the Big B plan, it’s time to cut my credit cards and apply for company’s credit card with lower interest…. I’ll definitely use all my Big B to pay for current credit card debts…it’s OK for me as long as the debt is vanished from my life forever….
mmm…. And ohh…I planned to purchase Ikea sofa bed and a pair of comfortable jogging shoe using the company’s credit card…. Hehe…..’gali lubang tutup lubang’…..
Thursday, 3 December 2009
I want to sleep like a baby tonight
What a week....
In conjunction with Hari Raya Haji celebration, the whole weekend filled with spending my time in Muar. We played bowling, attend second cousin's wedding, visit relatives, watched movie and not to forget our motorcycle adventure with ‘Enam Jahanam’ (definitely i'm not the one who handle the paddles; i can't even start one!). We ended our night at Muar by shocking confession from the 'Enam Jahanam', that they truly are the 'Enam Jahanam'. For those who don’t know what it is, 'Enam Jahanam' means 'Six Hells' (Direct translation in English). The shocking secret confession made by them disturbed my mind for the whole weekend! I kept thinking what had happened to the people that i believed have good values but turn out not as i thought they were...Has the world turn upside down? Are the good values in humans have gone? Why this thing happened? Are human desires much more important than dignity? Have I started to think nonsense? mmmmmm …? (no more questions)
Today i've already accepted the 'Enam Jahanam' as who they are before and after the confession, i love them all, they're like brothers to me, i know i can't change them totally but i can help by giving them guidance and advise to be a better person. They are free to accept or ignore it, but hey... at least i've done something for the one i care for...
We had a terrible trip back to KL from Muar... Usually the journey will only take 2.5 hours.. But because it is holiday season and a lot of people were going back to KL.... the whole journey took up to 5 hours.
And now i'm back in KL, counting down the days of Futsal Tournament... i planned to have a restful days before getting all my energy out for the Tournament..but doesn't seem to have one.... The last three days in this week were full with a lot of things to do, not the important ones but things that i enjoy doing...hehe...such as go to work, futsal, shopping and watching movies... i even forgot to take my medication and felt awful ...and today i feel very tired of not having enough sleep and really hope i can have a restful night and to sleep like a baby tonight.
In conjunction with Hari Raya Haji celebration, the whole weekend filled with spending my time in Muar. We played bowling, attend second cousin's wedding, visit relatives, watched movie and not to forget our motorcycle adventure with ‘Enam Jahanam’ (definitely i'm not the one who handle the paddles; i can't even start one!). We ended our night at Muar by shocking confession from the 'Enam Jahanam', that they truly are the 'Enam Jahanam'. For those who don’t know what it is, 'Enam Jahanam' means 'Six Hells' (Direct translation in English). The shocking secret confession made by them disturbed my mind for the whole weekend! I kept thinking what had happened to the people that i believed have good values but turn out not as i thought they were...Has the world turn upside down? Are the good values in humans have gone? Why this thing happened? Are human desires much more important than dignity? Have I started to think nonsense? mmmmmm …? (no more questions)
Today i've already accepted the 'Enam Jahanam' as who they are before and after the confession, i love them all, they're like brothers to me, i know i can't change them totally but i can help by giving them guidance and advise to be a better person. They are free to accept or ignore it, but hey... at least i've done something for the one i care for...
We had a terrible trip back to KL from Muar... Usually the journey will only take 2.5 hours.. But because it is holiday season and a lot of people were going back to KL.... the whole journey took up to 5 hours.
And now i'm back in KL, counting down the days of Futsal Tournament... i planned to have a restful days before getting all my energy out for the Tournament..but doesn't seem to have one.... The last three days in this week were full with a lot of things to do, not the important ones but things that i enjoy doing...hehe...such as go to work, futsal, shopping and watching movies... i even forgot to take my medication and felt awful ...and today i feel very tired of not having enough sleep and really hope i can have a restful night and to sleep like a baby tonight.
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
|Kami kena 3-5|
Perlawanan persahabatan ExQuiSiTe vs Gol Gitu Gitu aka friendly match.....
sedih memang sedih sebab kami kena teruk dengan team yang kebanyakannya bersaiz kecik & comel - lote ni.......tak sangka betoi depa ni kecik-kecik cili api.....tapi bile time kejor bola, perghh...memang hebat...kecik sgt sampai tak perasaan bile masa la depa ni lari & bawa bola....alih2 je bola dah masuk gol....tapi gua respek sama team korang sebab korang memang rajin practice tak macam team kami...baru 1 1/2 kali training dah ajak friendly kan.....padan muko kan dah kena sejibik....huhu
best memang best sebab dapat main futsal hehehe......sukenye saya dapat main-main, tendang-tendang, lari-lari, kejor yeop kejor ...... seronok ghupenye ek....kali ni dapat main lama sikit almost 2 hours......walaupun badan berfeluh2.... baunye masham.....otot2 pon dah mula sakit2 ....tapi nikmat dan kepuasannye hanya Allah dan diriku sahaja yang mengetahui....
walaupun sebenarnya pada mulanya, memang tahap malas dan takdak mood sesangat nak main futsal, sebab semalam dah bantai swimming (gitu-gitu je la, bukannye pandai sangat pon) & pergi gym...rasa badan macam letih je...sampaikan masa kerja sebelum balik umah tu, otak ligat mencari alasan nak mengelakkan diri dari main futsal.....antara alasan yang bermain dalam kepalaku yang tak berapa nak bergeliga ni ialah....rasa nak demam la, sakit2 sendi la, sakit tekak nak batuk la, banyak keje la tadi kat opis....tapi smuanya hanya tersimpan je dalam kepalaku ini....tak berkesempatan nak diluahkan...ku gagahkan juga diriku untuk bermain...ade hikmah rupenye...
dan sekarang my komen pasal permainan diriku sendiri pada malam ni....memang diakui masih takdak skill lagi nak tahan and bawak bola.... yang tau dok acah2 lawan ngan main bantai tendang je kat sesape yang aku suke ....huhu....
rasa-rasanya ingat nak bagi cadangan kat team mate next week buat 2 kali training, nak kasi up sikit skill tahan & bawak bola....baru kompiden nak lawan kan....(memandai2 je kan macam la awak tu kapten)...hisy baru 3-4 minggu kenai lagi mau demand, patut ka tak patut ? Sebenarnya aku baru kenai je depa-depa ni kalau nak dicomparekan dengan team lawan yg kebanyakkannya personally memang lagi kenal baik dari teamku sendiri.....
apa-apahal pun aku memang happy dapat main futsal malam ni walaupun sebenarnya dirku ini boleh dikategorikan sebagai kaki bangku...
sedih memang sedih sebab kami kena teruk dengan team yang kebanyakannya bersaiz kecik & comel - lote ni.......tak sangka betoi depa ni kecik-kecik cili api.....tapi bile time kejor bola, perghh...memang hebat...kecik sgt sampai tak perasaan bile masa la depa ni lari & bawa bola....alih2 je bola dah masuk gol....tapi gua respek sama team korang sebab korang memang rajin practice tak macam team kami...baru 1 1/2 kali training dah ajak friendly kan.....padan muko kan dah kena sejibik....huhu
best memang best sebab dapat main futsal hehehe......sukenye saya dapat main-main, tendang-tendang, lari-lari, kejor yeop kejor ...... seronok ghupenye ek....kali ni dapat main lama sikit almost 2 hours......walaupun badan berfeluh2.... baunye masham.....otot2 pon dah mula sakit2 ....tapi nikmat dan kepuasannye hanya Allah dan diriku sahaja yang mengetahui....
walaupun sebenarnya pada mulanya, memang tahap malas dan takdak mood sesangat nak main futsal, sebab semalam dah bantai swimming (gitu-gitu je la, bukannye pandai sangat pon) & pergi gym...rasa badan macam letih je...sampaikan masa kerja sebelum balik umah tu, otak ligat mencari alasan nak mengelakkan diri dari main futsal.....antara alasan yang bermain dalam kepalaku yang tak berapa nak bergeliga ni ialah....rasa nak demam la, sakit2 sendi la, sakit tekak nak batuk la, banyak keje la tadi kat opis....tapi smuanya hanya tersimpan je dalam kepalaku ini....tak berkesempatan nak diluahkan...ku gagahkan juga diriku untuk bermain...ade hikmah rupenye...
dan sekarang my komen pasal permainan diriku sendiri pada malam ni....memang diakui masih takdak skill lagi nak tahan and bawak bola.... yang tau dok acah2 lawan ngan main bantai tendang je kat sesape yang aku suke ....huhu....
rasa-rasanya ingat nak bagi cadangan kat team mate next week buat 2 kali training, nak kasi up sikit skill tahan & bawak bola....baru kompiden nak lawan kan....(memandai2 je kan macam la awak tu kapten)...hisy baru 3-4 minggu kenai lagi mau demand, patut ka tak patut ? Sebenarnya aku baru kenai je depa-depa ni kalau nak dicomparekan dengan team lawan yg kebanyakkannya personally memang lagi kenal baik dari teamku sendiri.....
apa-apahal pun aku memang happy dapat main futsal malam ni walaupun sebenarnya dirku ini boleh dikategorikan sebagai kaki bangku...
Thursday, 19 November 2009
It is kind of creepy, isn't it ?
Recently, I've been surfing around bloggers world just to find niche for my blog where i can exchange ideas and share my humble experience pertaining to mental health issues. I've found a number of interesting mental health blogs that provide interesting facts and research articles in timely manner from reliable research resources, however only 1 or 2 blogs hold the stories of the person who had been diagnosed of having mental illness. In order for me to update myself with the blogs' recent post I've made myself as their blog follower and I've linked it from this blog. You can check it out too ..
I would be glad and pleased if i can learn to know other people experience on how they endure the illness, their feelings and what inside the mind during the episode of mental breakdown, how they find support and how they heal the pain. Anyone of you who knows any website pertaining to this, feel free to introduce it to me.
But what shocked me was to find out that some of the blog that discuss on mental health issues have the same blog template as my blog. Isn't that kind of creepy ? It seems like we have some kind of connection to choose our blog template, maybe we have the same brainwave connectivity? Or the same type of brain structure ? Or maybe we possessed some kind of similarity of infrared frequency or bluetooth frequency that our computers able to talk to each other in some mysterious way ?
Don't think about it.... it's a coincident...perhaps..
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Endorphin - The Feel Good Hormone
It's a short entry for today (I hope so)......i don't have much time to write.....not because i'm busy with my work or something else.....but because i have no idea what to tell...because i'm no story teller neither an author nor a writer and definitely i am not a columnist....i'm just an internet user who just happened to have a blog....
I've started exercising again ....after not hitting gym for about 5 months...
Couple of months ago i've decided to join a team for our company's futsal internal tournament which to be scheduled on 5 December 2009. I am the only person from the other block of the building to join the team. We haven't decided our team name yet however we've have chosen our team colour, it's black and pink...
I joined this game NOT as a professional player...yeah of course la..! because most of us are definitely not a professional futsal players....it's only for the sake of having fun, to release work stress and to make friends with co-workers.
on Thursday (last week not this week) 13/11/2009 we begin our first futsal training.
And our 2nd training was on Monday 16/11/2009...
And next week there will be 2 training sessions...and a friendly match...
My first experience playing futsal was 2 years ago with family and cousins, i reckon....just imagine my mum and my aunty in their late 50s were appointed by us to be our goal keepers (read: we had 2 goalkeepers not 1 for our team). So cute wasn't they? Most of my cousins are guys....so they played as if it's a male team...during the game most of my time was just looking at the ball and tried to escape the ball from hitting me, not kicking the ball....duh...see...how amateur am i ? Moral of the story... don't play futsal with guys except your coach....
After 2 training session i've noticed that playing futsal helps my body to produce endorphin which is much needed at this moment.... believe me... i feel much more refresh and happy once i've started to exercise again... even though my muscles ache because of not doing a proper warming up ... (Well it's my fault!) but my mind feel much more better...... so gals... want to team up with me to create an amateur Malaysian woman's futsal team??
OH…And I thought this is my short entry…. Next time perhaps….
Saturday, 14 November 2009
While Waiting for 5 PM
Today at 5 PM my friend invited me to Medan Ikan Bakar Tanjung Harapan Klang, its one of popular eating place in Malaysia for those who love seafood. As usual i'm kind of anxious, may be due to the medication or may be it's just my normal anxious feeling.
Why am i feeling anxious ? It is because these couples of day, the pain i'm having due to my anxiety disorder are getting worst when i feel anxious; heartache, headache, backache, feeling all part of my body being pressure by an unknown force....The cause of my anxieties ? May be it's because Lexapro's side effect? my doc has warned me the side effect in the first few weeks in taking Lexapro, but the side effect is much more worse compare to the previous treatment. Or may be i'm just tired after a session of futsal (well i don't think so....it is soooo unlikely causing me the pain) . Or may be i'm so stressed out for my sister relationship with her so called fiance is shaking again? mmmm may be.... it can be a part of the contributor....Or maybe because of my so called 'best friend'....Oh no.. enough maybes......
I'm just scared that when i'm out with my friends i will experience this pain and worst come to worst panic attack.... InsyaAllah I'll be fine....'Remember Allah and your heart will be at peace'
While waiting for 5 PM i made use of my time reading blogs.......and today's post that i love is non other than Sis Zabrina's blog
Blog: ~ Life Storyteller : Motivational and Inspirational Stories for You and Me ~
Post: The Story of Ice Cubes and Candles- Motivational Story about Calming Oneself Down When Distress
Link: http://wisdomthruwords.blogspot.com/2009/11/story-of-ice-cubes-and-candles.html
Why am i feeling anxious ? It is because these couples of day, the pain i'm having due to my anxiety disorder are getting worst when i feel anxious; heartache, headache, backache, feeling all part of my body being pressure by an unknown force....The cause of my anxieties ? May be it's because Lexapro's side effect? my doc has warned me the side effect in the first few weeks in taking Lexapro, but the side effect is much more worse compare to the previous treatment. Or may be i'm just tired after a session of futsal (well i don't think so....it is soooo unlikely causing me the pain) . Or may be i'm so stressed out for my sister relationship with her so called fiance is shaking again? mmmm may be.... it can be a part of the contributor....Or maybe because of my so called 'best friend'....Oh no.. enough maybes......
I'm just scared that when i'm out with my friends i will experience this pain and worst come to worst panic attack.... InsyaAllah I'll be fine....'Remember Allah and your heart will be at peace'
While waiting for 5 PM i made use of my time reading blogs.......and today's post that i love is non other than Sis Zabrina's blog
Blog: ~ Life Storyteller : Motivational and Inspirational Stories for You and Me ~
Post: The Story of Ice Cubes and Candles- Motivational Story about Calming Oneself Down When Distress
Link: http://wisdomthruwords.blogspot.com/2009/11/story-of-ice-cubes-and-candles.html
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
10 Common Myths About Clinical Depression
http://onlinepsychologydegrees.org/10-common-myths-about-clinical-depression/
Almost every mental illness ends up accompanied by a barrage of myths, misunderstandings, and misconceptions that cloud the minds of the populace and ultimately produces muddied opinions of the true threat. Unfortunately, one of the most marginalized and ridiculed conditions is also one of the most common. An estimated 17 million Americans suffer from some form of clinical depression a year, most of whom end up never seeking psychological assistance due to feeling undermined and discouraged by the perceptions of society at large. Because those suffering from depression run a much higher risk of committing suicide or acts of self-mutilation than their comparatively healthier peers, it is absolutely integral to understand the complexities and widespread influence of the disease. Only by making an earnest effort to combat these negative and patently false perceptions can the depressed begin to realize that no shame or weakness lay in their situation, thereby removing many of the stigmas and reservations still undeservedly attached to entering into therapy.
- 1. Depressives are ingrates who lack empathy for real suffering.
One of the most isolating and unjustly prevailing myths regarding clinical depression is that the victims suffer more from a lack of perception rather than a recognized and very serious mental illness. It is not uncommon to hear the depressed speak of instances where friends, family, or another peer try to snap them out of a low point with admonitions like “Just be grateful you don’t have a terminal disease,” and “Maybe if you saw how people lived in third would countries you’d realize you have nothing to complain about.” These statements actually actively harm those suffering from clinical depression far more than they help. Trivializing their very real and very overwhelming struggles serves only to perpetuate already heightened feelings of guilt, shame, and seclusion. Depression’s true nature does not inherently involve a dismissal or ignorance of suffering elsewhere in society, and the implication that victims do not understand the world around them may potentially discourage them to pursue much-needed solace and support. Many of them are eventually led to believe that their anxieties and emotional issues do not matter when stacked up with genocide and cancer and other ills when the truth is that all suffering – no matter the level of severity – must be addressed and quelled if humanity hopes to move forward.
2. Depression is not an illness.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition, Text Revision lists three depressive disorders – dysthymic disorder, major depressive disorder, and depressive disorder not otherwise specified (DDNOS. Major depressive disorder is further subdivided into recurrent and single episode, and from there categorized by level of severity. Along with bipolar disorder, the depressive disorders are lumped under the major heading of mood disorders. Because depression is recognized in an official medical and psychological publication used to diagnose and treat patients, it is considered an illness.
3. Depression is nothing more than sustained sadness.
As a mood disorder, one of the major hallmarks of depression is a persistent sense of sadness, hopelessness, guilt, apathy, and anxiety. However, many physiological symptoms also manifest themselves when suffering from depression. Nausea, headaches, general aches and pains, insomnia or oversleeping, exhaustion, fatigue, and over- or under-eating are all commonly associated with depression. Not surprisingly, these symptoms can lead to major health concerns later on in life if left unchecked. Likewise, more severe instances of depression may result in suicide attempts as a means of finally sloughing off the emotional, mental, and physical torment as well as escaping the judgmental scrutiny of friends, families, and contemporaries.
Source: Wikipedia
4. Depression can disappear by just thinking happy thoughts.
The old cliché about terminal illness states, “I always thought it was something that happened to other people.” This statement also sums up how depressives generally understand sustained happiness – it is an emotion exclusively rewarded to everyone else, but forever teasingly dangled in front of them as a metaphorical carrot on a stick. Only the most severe cases of depression do not involve small spurts and instances of joy, of course, but the illness includes far too many emotional, mental, and physical complexities to merely disintegrate with the simple act of thinking positively. Many mistake depression for a case of the more common and temporary “blues” and attempt to approach it as such. Though well-intentioned, this mindset carries the same inevitable side effects as the one which pegs depressives as whiny ingrates. It only addresses one aspect of a much broader issue, thus reinforcing the victim’s lonely feelings of being misunderstood. The best way for a concerned family member or friend to tackle the subject with a loved one is to provide support by encouraging them to speak with a professional therapist. Counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists are all qualified and equipped with the tools necessary to understand and combat depression. If positivity were the only cure, there would be no need to spend the time, money, and resources to train any of them in how to combat the issue.
5. Depression only affects women.
Due to brain chemistry and hormone balances, women are twice as likely to experience depression as men, though men are more likely to commit suicide or develop substance abuse issues as a coping mechanism. By feminizing depression, society stigmatizes men suffering from the illness as somehow weak or less masculine. As if depression did not carry enough unfounded shame along with it, men with the disorder end up facing double the pressure. With a supposedly enlightened society still clinging to archaic ideals that males ought to display stoicism and women stand as emotional pillars, men with depression oftentimes end up ostracized by peers who do not fully comprehend the true nature of the illness. Externally perceived as effeminate and pathetic, depressive men are far less likely to seek therapy and end up self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, or other addictions to curb the anxiety instead. In more extreme cases, some men turn to physical abuse or suicide as an outlet. While stereotypes of masculine and feminine behavior do have a foundation in biochemistry, labeling emotion as solely the domain of women is the root cause of many serious issues regarding men and depression. Breaking down gender barriers as well as promoting an awareness of how the illness manifests itself remains the only real solution to this overarching problem.
6. Depression is a choice.
Like other mental illnesses, those suffering from depression never chose to live their lives swarmed with the mental, physical, and emotional stresses associated with it. This myth forms from similar stock as the ones regarding depression as an ingrate’s condition and belief that a cure lay in only thinking happy thoughts. All three of these falsehoods vastly oversimplify the issue at hand, reducing depression to little more than whining, sadness, and negativity when the reality of the disease is far more intricate and nuanced. The decision over whether or not to pursue psychological treatment is the only choice that victims can actually make for themselves, but the initial onset of the disorder remains entirely beyond their sphere of control.
7. If a parent or grandparent suffers from depression, their kids will too.
No professionals will deny that both nature and nurture play a role in the development of a depressed individual. Genetics does factor into depression, as does body chemistry, environment, and an individual’s psychological profile. Not surprisingly, depressives with parents or grandparents who suffer from the disease as well are far more likely to succumb to it. However, this is not always the case. A child born into a family with a history of depression may not always end up with it. Likewise, a child born into a family free of depression may end up developing the illness later on. Genetics is only one of the many possible causes of depression – its absence or presence does not always indicate that an individual will inevitably display the symptoms later on in life.
8. Suicide attempts are just a plea for attention.
All suicide threats and attempts ought to be regarded with the utmost seriousness. If an individual makes reference to how he or she plans to die by his or her own hand, dial 911 immediately. Statements such as these are not to be taken as petty ploys for attention, but rather as grim cries for help – a signifier that the victim feels so very desperate to free themselves from the bonds of depression that death seems the only viable option. Callously casting aside the suicidal as merely resorting to extreme measures for the sake of a little attention completely belittles and underestimates the true gravity of the issue. They need intense therapy, not pity or eye-rolling condescension. As symptomatic of a much larger problem, suicide attempts must be fully addressed and taken seriously rather than dismissed as little more than histrionics.
Source: Wikipedia
9. Depression is a psychosis.
Society as a whole seems to regard all mental illnesses as some level of psychosis, with therapy that both saves and improves lives stigmatized as the resort of the feeble-minded and insane. As per its diagnostic criteria, depression is not considered an inherently psychotic disorder. It is labeled as a corruption of moods, but not always a signifier of mental instability or a detachment from reality. While depression does occasionally operate as a symptom of a serious psychotic disorder, its presence does not always mean the victim fits the psychological profile of an individual with psychosis. Depression usually ends at depression. If a sufferer does not display any other indicators of psychosis, then he or she cannot be considered psychotic.
10. Depression is a result of personality flaws and weakness.
Depression is a result of numerous biochemical, genetic, environmental, and psychological factors entirely beyond the control of the victim. This myth ties in with those touting depression as a convenient excuse for whiny ingrates, the histrionic, and psychotics. Many highly functioning, successful individuals suffer from depression and enter into therapy, become active in raising awareness of the issue, and/or create works of art, literature, and music in order to alleviate the pain. It weakens, but self-control prevents it from becoming a weakness. Like addiction and other mental illnesses, the surest sign of strength and integrity is admitting that there is a problem and actively pursuing healthy treatment. Weakness lay not at all in the diagnosis, but rather in how the victim handles the issues he or she has been given.
Source: Wikipedia
In spite of existing as one of the most common mental illnesses in America and beyond, the reality of just how serious clinical depression is remains obscured by the dozens of myths, misunderstandings, and lies permeating society. Spreading the word of the true challenges, setbacks, and struggles that depressives face on a daily basis is the only way to put cracks in these potentially dangerous mindsets. Like all people – mentally ill or not – victims of depression need compassion and understanding if they ever hope to combat their disease. The perpetuation of ignorance and misunderstanding only furthers their symptoms and nurtures shame and guilt far more than it inspires them to seek professional help.
A new course of treatment
'It's a relapse of depression... based on your symptoms it is still in early stage , however to prevent it from getting worst i will prescribe you Lexapro together with Xanax...Xanax is to be taken only needed because in early week on Lexapro, your symptoms will be slightly intensified... When you feel it then take Xanax...but you need to get off Xanax when you've got better through time' the doctor explained......mmmm another course of medication which i despise especially during the first 2 weeks waiting the medication to 100% kick off....
'you need to take Lexapro for 1 year' the doctor add some more instruction......Whatt!!! one year....?! Honestly i don't possessed discipline in taking medication on regular basis....that's why i failed in my previous course.....
'You also need to do regular physical exercise at least 3-4 a week to increase you endorphin, it's a feel good hormone, do breathing exercise when you get anxious and practice muscular progressive relaxation exercise for muscle pain... ' the doctor advise..... this one i can handle...insyaAllah.... must start hitting the gym again......
'You need to see Obstetrics and Gynecology specialist to treat your hormone imbalance' she add ...... wah another specialist....i wonder how much that will cost me....... for seeing a psychiatrist and plus medication i've already lost RM 350.....that's a lot of money...!! i hope i can claim from my company medical insurance....
'you need to take Lexapro for 1 year' the doctor add some more instruction......Whatt!!! one year....?! Honestly i don't possessed discipline in taking medication on regular basis....that's why i failed in my previous course.....
'You also need to do regular physical exercise at least 3-4 a week to increase you endorphin, it's a feel good hormone, do breathing exercise when you get anxious and practice muscular progressive relaxation exercise for muscle pain... ' the doctor advise..... this one i can handle...insyaAllah.... must start hitting the gym again......
'You need to see Obstetrics and Gynecology specialist to treat your hormone imbalance' she add ...... wah another specialist....i wonder how much that will cost me....... for seeing a psychiatrist and plus medication i've already lost RM 350.....that's a lot of money...!! i hope i can claim from my company medical insurance....
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Love you, my dear
I don't know how to express my love and appreciation to my families & friends especially those who are really dear to me....who are besides me when I’m in bad or good shape....but what I know….. I really love you all….and I believe they know it too…..
I came to work this morning with the feeling of chronic worrying, my mother is sick and I didn’t have enough sleep last night. And today at 5 PM I have first time appointment with another psychiatrist (not my usual one as I can’t reach her line after a few try), after more than a year not seeing one it kind of makes me a little bit nervous. I can’t stop worrying until I become agitated, irritated and cannot focus even 5 minutes on my work. Then an email popped into my inbox…. It was from a dear friend and the email subject is ‘Contentment’… I read his email and suddenly I feel at ease and worry no more…. Because I realized no matter how much you felt alone or left behind, there will always somebody out there who love you and will be there for you when you need someone…
This morning my sister will undergo a minor dental surgery, she is really scared until to the extent that make her thinks to runaway from it rather than being into that situation. A couple of days earlier she had asked me to be with her during the procedure just in case if she ran away there will be somebody to stop her and encourage her to go through the surgery. ‘But I’m working on that day..!’… That was my excuse… then I’ve asked my cousin to replace me…he agreed but at the same time he laughed when I told him about my sister’s situation…. He said ‘If it was you then I believed you will run away… but her...? She’s a brave girl, a hockey player, an adventurous person like her … how could that be?’…. I just smiled with amusement…..
Yesterday when her fiancé heard the news about my sister’s condition as well as my mother’s illness (my mom just contacted flu yesterday, kind of makes me worry because she has chronic bronchitis), surprisingly, he and his family drove all the way from Ipoh to come to KL just to give our family support. I’m so touched with their kindness. Thank you to them & not to forget my cousin too for being there with my family in this difficult situation. Well, I think it’s time to call my sister to see how she is doing……
Some words that I love from the email subject ‘Contentment’:
"Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have."
When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that! we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
I came to work this morning with the feeling of chronic worrying, my mother is sick and I didn’t have enough sleep last night. And today at 5 PM I have first time appointment with another psychiatrist (not my usual one as I can’t reach her line after a few try), after more than a year not seeing one it kind of makes me a little bit nervous. I can’t stop worrying until I become agitated, irritated and cannot focus even 5 minutes on my work. Then an email popped into my inbox…. It was from a dear friend and the email subject is ‘Contentment’… I read his email and suddenly I feel at ease and worry no more…. Because I realized no matter how much you felt alone or left behind, there will always somebody out there who love you and will be there for you when you need someone…
This morning my sister will undergo a minor dental surgery, she is really scared until to the extent that make her thinks to runaway from it rather than being into that situation. A couple of days earlier she had asked me to be with her during the procedure just in case if she ran away there will be somebody to stop her and encourage her to go through the surgery. ‘But I’m working on that day..!’… That was my excuse… then I’ve asked my cousin to replace me…he agreed but at the same time he laughed when I told him about my sister’s situation…. He said ‘If it was you then I believed you will run away… but her...? She’s a brave girl, a hockey player, an adventurous person like her … how could that be?’…. I just smiled with amusement…..
Yesterday when her fiancé heard the news about my sister’s condition as well as my mother’s illness (my mom just contacted flu yesterday, kind of makes me worry because she has chronic bronchitis), surprisingly, he and his family drove all the way from Ipoh to come to KL just to give our family support. I’m so touched with their kindness. Thank you to them & not to forget my cousin too for being there with my family in this difficult situation. Well, I think it’s time to call my sister to see how she is doing……
Some words that I love from the email subject ‘Contentment’:
"Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have."
When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that! we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Kesihatan mental kurang perhatian
Oleh Soraya Jamal (Utusan Online)
KIRA-KIRA 450 juta orang di seluruh dunia mengalami gangguan mental tertentu seperti kemurungan, skizofrenia dan gangguan bipolar tetapi kurang separuh daripada mereka menerima rawatan yang diperlukan, menurut Pertubuhan Kesihatan Sedunia (WHO).
WHO menganggarkan bahawa menjelang 2020, penyakit mental kemungkinan mewakili 15 peratus daripada penyakit global.
Gangguan kesihatan mental adalah lebih lazim daripada apa yang anda fikirkan. Tahun lepas sahaja 400,227 pesakit di Malaysia mendapatkan bantuan psikiatri di hospital-hospital kerajaan, satu peningkatan sebanyak 15.6 peratus berbanding 346,196 pesakit pada 2007.
Tinjauan Kesihatan Kebangsaan dan Morbiditi Ketiga pada 2006 menunjukkan masalah kesihatan mental di kalangan remaja semakin meningkat.
Kaum hawa lebih cenderung menghadapi masalah kesihatan mental dengan peratusan mereka yang terbabit mencatatkan 12.1 peratus berbanding 10.4 peratus bagi lelaki.
Lima daripada 10 punca utama kecacatan adalah berkaitan dengan penyakit mental. Kemurungan dijangka menjadi punca utama kedua kecacatan menjelang 2020.
Kurang diagnosis
Walaupun ia masalah biasa dan serius, penyakit mental masih tidak diterima dengan meluas sebagai masalah kesihatan yang kritikal dan seringkali tidak didiagnosis dengan lengkap oleh para pakar penjagaan kesihatan.
Presiden Persekutuan ASEAN bagi Psikiatri dan Kesihatan Mental (AFPMH), Professor Dr. Mohamad Hussain Habil beranggapan ini sebahagian besarnya berpunca kerana dua faktor.
Pertama kurangnya pengetahuan atau persefahaman dalam mendiagnosis atau merawat penyakit itu sementara faktor kedua berkaitan langsung dengan pandangan serong ataupun stigma akibat gangguan mental yang turut membabitkan kalangan pengamal perubatan.
Pengesanan awal penyakit ini dalam masyarakat oleh pakar-pakar perubatan boleh membawa pelbagai manfaat berkaitan dengan kos dan produktiviti, dan dalam kes-kes tertentu menghalang masalah itu daripada menjadi masalah kesihatan yang besar.
Menurut laporan Majlis Penasihat Kebangsaan Kesihatan Mental, hasil daripada rawatan bagi mereka dengan penyakit mental paling serius boleh dibandingkan dengan rawatan bagi penyakit kronik lain.
Kadar kejayaan rawatan awal bagi penyakit mental adalah 60-80 peratus, melampaui kadar kejayaan 40 hingga 60 peratus bagi rawatan pembedahan biasa seperti penyakit jantung.
Bagi individu dengan masalah kesihatan mental, ketiadaan bantuan yang mereka perlukan boleh mencetuskan tekanan sosial dan pemulauan selain menyebabkan bebanan kewangan kerana mereka akan terus mencari nasihat perubatan, selain daripada kehilangan pekerjaan kerana produktiviti yang berkurang.
Keadaan ini juga menjejaskan kualiti kehidupan pesakit dan penjaga mereka. Lebih buruk lagi, kekurangan diagnosis lengkap boleh menyebabkan tragedi khasnya apabila pesakit membunuh diri.
Peranan penjagaan
AFPMH dan Persatuan Psikiatri Malaysia (MPA) meraikan Hari Kesihatan Mental Sedunia 2009 pada 9 Oktober dengan mensasarkan kepada peranan penting pakar-pakar perubatan utama dalam mengenalpasti dan merawat gangguan psikiatri.
Tema tahun ini ialah 'Kesihatan Mental Dalam Penjagaan Utama; Mempertingkat Rawatan dan Menggalakkan Kesihatan Mental'.
Ramai yang tidak akan menimbangkan untuk menemui ahli psikiatri apalagi kebanyakan tidak akan menerima hakikat yang mereka mempunyai masalah kesihatan mental.
Dan mereka malu untuk berjumpa dengan pakar kesihatan mental dan seringkali rasa lebih selesa untuk bertemu dengan doktor di kejiranan mereka.
"Pakar-pakar penjagaan utama ini berada di barisan hadapan sistem penjagaan kesihatan awam dan lebih mengetahui sejarah kesihatan pesakit mereka.
"Oleh itu perlu ada kemampuan untuk mengenalpasti simptom selain pengetahuan psikiatri untuk melaksanakan rawatan,"kata Profesor Dr. Mohamad Hussain semasa satu persidangan berita baru-baru ini.
Profesor Dr. Mohamad Hussain, yang juga Pakar Rawatan Ketagihan dan Perunding Psikiatri di Jabatan Perubatan Psikologi, Pusat Perubatan Universiti Malaya, berkata pengesanan awal serta diagnosis yang wajar membolehkan pesakit menerima rawatan yang sesuai.
Ia juga mencegah gangguan mental yang lebih buruk lagi dan akhirnya membolehkan pesakit untuk meneruskan kehidupan dengan normal bersama masyarakat semasa menjalani rawatan, katanya.
Professor Dr Mohamad Hussain juga berkata, hanya terdapat lebih kurang 200 ahli psikiatri di Malaysia sedangkan bilangan yang ideal ialah seramai 2000 orang.
"Satu pendekatan bersepadu membabitkan pakar-pakar utama dalam penjagaan kesihatan akan mengurangkan bebanan yang dihadapi oleh ahli psikiatri, dan akan banyak membantu mereka daripada kumpulan berpendapatan rendah untuk mendapatkan rawatan yang mampu.
"Pendekatan ini memastikan bahawa pesakit tidak perlu pergi jauh untuk mendapatkan ubat-ubatan daripada ahli psikiatri, yang banyak mengurangkan beban kepada mereka yang menjaga pesakit mental," katanya.
Stigma
Stigma yang wujud di kalangan umum dan sehinggakan pakar-pakar penjagaan kesihatan merupakan punca utama kes-kes psikiatri gagal dikesan dan dirawat dari awal lagi.
"Bidang psikiatri telah banyak berkembang. Ubat-ubatan terbaru membolehkan gangguan mental dirawat. Bagaimanapun, ramai yang tidak mahu mendapatkan bantuan profesional kerana beranggapan mereka akan dicemuh sebagai 'gila' ataupun akan didiskriminasi jika didiagnosis dengan gangguan mental," kata Presiden MPA Dr Yen Tech Hoe.
Isu ini diburukkan lagi oleh tanggapan salah di kalangan pakar perubatan iaitu masalah kesihatan mental merupakan komponen kurang penting dalam profesyen perubatan.
Ramai daripada pakar perubatan tidak menyedari yang kebanyakan daripada penyakit psikiatri ini muncul dalam bentuk simptom fizikal dan oleh itu mereka lazimnya merawat simptom ini tanpa pemeriksaan lanjut. -- BERNAMA
http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2009&dt=1103&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Kesihatan&pg=kn_01.htm
KIRA-KIRA 450 juta orang di seluruh dunia mengalami gangguan mental tertentu seperti kemurungan, skizofrenia dan gangguan bipolar tetapi kurang separuh daripada mereka menerima rawatan yang diperlukan, menurut Pertubuhan Kesihatan Sedunia (WHO).
WHO menganggarkan bahawa menjelang 2020, penyakit mental kemungkinan mewakili 15 peratus daripada penyakit global.
Gangguan kesihatan mental adalah lebih lazim daripada apa yang anda fikirkan. Tahun lepas sahaja 400,227 pesakit di Malaysia mendapatkan bantuan psikiatri di hospital-hospital kerajaan, satu peningkatan sebanyak 15.6 peratus berbanding 346,196 pesakit pada 2007.
Tinjauan Kesihatan Kebangsaan dan Morbiditi Ketiga pada 2006 menunjukkan masalah kesihatan mental di kalangan remaja semakin meningkat.
Kaum hawa lebih cenderung menghadapi masalah kesihatan mental dengan peratusan mereka yang terbabit mencatatkan 12.1 peratus berbanding 10.4 peratus bagi lelaki.
Lima daripada 10 punca utama kecacatan adalah berkaitan dengan penyakit mental. Kemurungan dijangka menjadi punca utama kedua kecacatan menjelang 2020.
Kurang diagnosis
Walaupun ia masalah biasa dan serius, penyakit mental masih tidak diterima dengan meluas sebagai masalah kesihatan yang kritikal dan seringkali tidak didiagnosis dengan lengkap oleh para pakar penjagaan kesihatan.
Presiden Persekutuan ASEAN bagi Psikiatri dan Kesihatan Mental (AFPMH), Professor Dr. Mohamad Hussain Habil beranggapan ini sebahagian besarnya berpunca kerana dua faktor.
Pertama kurangnya pengetahuan atau persefahaman dalam mendiagnosis atau merawat penyakit itu sementara faktor kedua berkaitan langsung dengan pandangan serong ataupun stigma akibat gangguan mental yang turut membabitkan kalangan pengamal perubatan.
Pengesanan awal penyakit ini dalam masyarakat oleh pakar-pakar perubatan boleh membawa pelbagai manfaat berkaitan dengan kos dan produktiviti, dan dalam kes-kes tertentu menghalang masalah itu daripada menjadi masalah kesihatan yang besar.
Menurut laporan Majlis Penasihat Kebangsaan Kesihatan Mental, hasil daripada rawatan bagi mereka dengan penyakit mental paling serius boleh dibandingkan dengan rawatan bagi penyakit kronik lain.
Kadar kejayaan rawatan awal bagi penyakit mental adalah 60-80 peratus, melampaui kadar kejayaan 40 hingga 60 peratus bagi rawatan pembedahan biasa seperti penyakit jantung.
Bagi individu dengan masalah kesihatan mental, ketiadaan bantuan yang mereka perlukan boleh mencetuskan tekanan sosial dan pemulauan selain menyebabkan bebanan kewangan kerana mereka akan terus mencari nasihat perubatan, selain daripada kehilangan pekerjaan kerana produktiviti yang berkurang.
Keadaan ini juga menjejaskan kualiti kehidupan pesakit dan penjaga mereka. Lebih buruk lagi, kekurangan diagnosis lengkap boleh menyebabkan tragedi khasnya apabila pesakit membunuh diri.
Peranan penjagaan
AFPMH dan Persatuan Psikiatri Malaysia (MPA) meraikan Hari Kesihatan Mental Sedunia 2009 pada 9 Oktober dengan mensasarkan kepada peranan penting pakar-pakar perubatan utama dalam mengenalpasti dan merawat gangguan psikiatri.
Tema tahun ini ialah 'Kesihatan Mental Dalam Penjagaan Utama; Mempertingkat Rawatan dan Menggalakkan Kesihatan Mental'.
Ramai yang tidak akan menimbangkan untuk menemui ahli psikiatri apalagi kebanyakan tidak akan menerima hakikat yang mereka mempunyai masalah kesihatan mental.
Dan mereka malu untuk berjumpa dengan pakar kesihatan mental dan seringkali rasa lebih selesa untuk bertemu dengan doktor di kejiranan mereka.
"Pakar-pakar penjagaan utama ini berada di barisan hadapan sistem penjagaan kesihatan awam dan lebih mengetahui sejarah kesihatan pesakit mereka.
"Oleh itu perlu ada kemampuan untuk mengenalpasti simptom selain pengetahuan psikiatri untuk melaksanakan rawatan,"kata Profesor Dr. Mohamad Hussain semasa satu persidangan berita baru-baru ini.
Profesor Dr. Mohamad Hussain, yang juga Pakar Rawatan Ketagihan dan Perunding Psikiatri di Jabatan Perubatan Psikologi, Pusat Perubatan Universiti Malaya, berkata pengesanan awal serta diagnosis yang wajar membolehkan pesakit menerima rawatan yang sesuai.
Ia juga mencegah gangguan mental yang lebih buruk lagi dan akhirnya membolehkan pesakit untuk meneruskan kehidupan dengan normal bersama masyarakat semasa menjalani rawatan, katanya.
Professor Dr Mohamad Hussain juga berkata, hanya terdapat lebih kurang 200 ahli psikiatri di Malaysia sedangkan bilangan yang ideal ialah seramai 2000 orang.
"Satu pendekatan bersepadu membabitkan pakar-pakar utama dalam penjagaan kesihatan akan mengurangkan bebanan yang dihadapi oleh ahli psikiatri, dan akan banyak membantu mereka daripada kumpulan berpendapatan rendah untuk mendapatkan rawatan yang mampu.
"Pendekatan ini memastikan bahawa pesakit tidak perlu pergi jauh untuk mendapatkan ubat-ubatan daripada ahli psikiatri, yang banyak mengurangkan beban kepada mereka yang menjaga pesakit mental," katanya.
Stigma
Stigma yang wujud di kalangan umum dan sehinggakan pakar-pakar penjagaan kesihatan merupakan punca utama kes-kes psikiatri gagal dikesan dan dirawat dari awal lagi.
"Bidang psikiatri telah banyak berkembang. Ubat-ubatan terbaru membolehkan gangguan mental dirawat. Bagaimanapun, ramai yang tidak mahu mendapatkan bantuan profesional kerana beranggapan mereka akan dicemuh sebagai 'gila' ataupun akan didiskriminasi jika didiagnosis dengan gangguan mental," kata Presiden MPA Dr Yen Tech Hoe.
Isu ini diburukkan lagi oleh tanggapan salah di kalangan pakar perubatan iaitu masalah kesihatan mental merupakan komponen kurang penting dalam profesyen perubatan.
Ramai daripada pakar perubatan tidak menyedari yang kebanyakan daripada penyakit psikiatri ini muncul dalam bentuk simptom fizikal dan oleh itu mereka lazimnya merawat simptom ini tanpa pemeriksaan lanjut. -- BERNAMA
http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2009&dt=1103&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Kesihatan&pg=kn_01.htm
Monday, 2 November 2009
Some Kind Of Wonderful
What are the things that make you feel wonderful? Falling in love for the first time perhaps? Or when a very heavy burden have been lifted from your soul, or when you are in a pretty Cinderella dress with your make up on and all people around can’t stop staring on how beautiful you look ? Or when a wish comes true?
What are the things that you think are wonderful? Taj Mahal? A great movie? A flock of pink flamingo? A wonderful landscape of God’s creation?
Well I think everybody have their own definition of wonderful; some may say that falling in love is wonderful but some may say not. However, what I had is a far from wonderful weekend yesterday, which supposedly to be a whole lot of wonderful ones especially after being pampered in a luxurious relaxing spa to de-stress my mind and body. The wonderful moment only lasted in the spa, once I stepped out, my retarded mind will start thinking depressing thoughts.
Have you notice that wonderful feelings only lasted for a while and then you will hit the reality again… same goes with the miserable ones….
I remember one wonderful moment I had with my family during our last trip together with my late father after we stopped by at my friend’s house and heading towards Ipoh. We saw a double rainbow on top of each other, like one big door welcoming us along the highway. It was really breathtaking moment and we felt very happy just looking at the big twin rainbow. I said to my self…subhanAllah… and hope that happiness will brought to us forever…..but only God knows best… A few days later a MRI scan revealed my father had a brain tumor…. and 2 weeks after that he had undergone a surgery to remove the tumor …. Exactly one month later he had been called by Allah to meet Him…Al-Fatihah..
As for me I’ve been hit twice after he’s gone…just hanging there dear me…. And search for another wonderful rainbow to come…. InsyaAllah
Sunday, 25 October 2009
No Story
There' s a lot of stories i wanted to share.....however, i didn't know which one to start with....i'm just so overwhelmed with what has happened in this week... 'maybe'...
Happy moments: i went out to watch 2 movies with colleagues and friends.... on Wednesday night...a 3D animation (the title was so long.... i just called it 'Meatball' ) and on Friday night a Malay movie 'Papadom'....the papadom looks big and delicously mouth watering... the herbs inside it was also visible...wonder where i can get that kind of papadom? !
Oh.. and i saw the Twilight saga New Moon trailer while waiting for Papadom to begin..... Actually i'm not a fan of vampire movies but Twilight saga is a big exception... i love the story line, the cinematography, the location, the backgound music and sound effect, the cast..
can't wait to watch Bella and Edward in action again.... the opening is on 20 November 2009... hope i can catch the movie midnite opening..who wants to join me?
Yesterday i attended a course... a last minute registration... only a few days before, i've decided to register for the course as when a friend of mine ask me to be her companion throughout the course... well, even if she didn't ask me in the first place, i'll definitely go if i knew in the first hand that's the course is organized by company that i work for .....it's about Islamic Financial & Capital Market.... i've always wanted to learn about it and this is my wish come true....
What i can concluded in my own layman's opinion of the outcome of the course is that the Islamic financial & capital market .... like any other business entities in conventional financial and capital market they need to make profits for the sake of business, however the conventional ones are highly dependent on imposing interest to gain profits... but Islam prohibited riba', interest, dealing with haram products such as gambling, liquor and non-halal food as well as business transaction that are intangible, uncertain and undisclose.
Therefore Shariah councils are needed to come out with rules and regulations to eliminate these items in Islamic financial business products but at the same time are able to generate profits. This is the biggest challenge for Islamic financial entities... they need to create products which are not interest based or riba' to make profit ..for example they use a projection method to calculate the value of an asset in given term to buy a house from the house buyer and make payment to the buyer to act as a partnership of the house owner, consequently the buyer will pay back to gain full ownership of the house as the alternative of conventional housing loan method.
Happy moments: i went out to watch 2 movies with colleagues and friends.... on Wednesday night...a 3D animation (the title was so long.... i just called it 'Meatball' ) and on Friday night a Malay movie 'Papadom'....the papadom looks big and delicously mouth watering... the herbs inside it was also visible...wonder where i can get that kind of papadom? !
Oh.. and i saw the Twilight saga New Moon trailer while waiting for Papadom to begin..... Actually i'm not a fan of vampire movies but Twilight saga is a big exception... i love the story line, the cinematography, the location, the backgound music and sound effect, the cast..
can't wait to watch Bella and Edward in action again.... the opening is on 20 November 2009... hope i can catch the movie midnite opening..who wants to join me?
Yesterday i attended a course... a last minute registration... only a few days before, i've decided to register for the course as when a friend of mine ask me to be her companion throughout the course... well, even if she didn't ask me in the first place, i'll definitely go if i knew in the first hand that's the course is organized by company that i work for .....it's about Islamic Financial & Capital Market.... i've always wanted to learn about it and this is my wish come true....
What i can concluded in my own layman's opinion of the outcome of the course is that the Islamic financial & capital market .... like any other business entities in conventional financial and capital market they need to make profits for the sake of business, however the conventional ones are highly dependent on imposing interest to gain profits... but Islam prohibited riba', interest, dealing with haram products such as gambling, liquor and non-halal food as well as business transaction that are intangible, uncertain and undisclose.
Therefore Shariah councils are needed to come out with rules and regulations to eliminate these items in Islamic financial business products but at the same time are able to generate profits. This is the biggest challenge for Islamic financial entities... they need to create products which are not interest based or riba' to make profit ..for example they use a projection method to calculate the value of an asset in given term to buy a house from the house buyer and make payment to the buyer to act as a partnership of the house owner, consequently the buyer will pay back to gain full ownership of the house as the alternative of conventional housing loan method.
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
7 Langkah Memaafkan Sahabat Sejati
Langkah 1
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Mengaku salah - anda seharusnya mengaku bahawa anda adalah punca segala masalah. Tidak rugi mengaku bersalah. Sebenarnya dalam masyarakat kita begitu susah untuk mengaku salah melainkan hanya menuding jari mencari kesalahan orang lain. Berterus terang dengan kawan bahawa anda benar-benar terluka dengan sikap mereka. Tetapi tiada guna anda terus bermasam muka dan daripada awal lagi anda sudah memaafkan mereka. Sikap berterus terang akan melegakan hati dan perasaan anda yang sakit hati akan terubat dengan sendirinya. Jika tidak percaya cuba lakukannya pasti anda dapat merasakan masalah pergi dengan sendirinya dan kepala anda akan berehat dengan tenang.
Langkah 2
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Jangan terburu-buru - Apabila mahu memaafkan seseorang janganlah terburu-buru melakukannya lebih-lebih lagi teman tersayang anda. Anda akan merasakan anda tidak boleh hidup tanpa mereka kerana semua aktiviti harian dilakukan bersama-sama. Apabila seseorang yang rapat dengan kita menggores hati pasti secara tidak langsung perasaan kita akan menjadi keliru. Perasaan sayang kita kepada mereka mula bercelaru dengan pengalaman yang baru berlaku. Sebelum anda melakukan sesuatu, tarik nafas dalam-dalam dan berfikiran sewajarnya dan ambil sebanyak masa yang anda perlukan. Buatlah keputusan yang sebaiknya sama ada anda mahu memaafkan mereka kerana anda betul-betul ikhlas memaafkan ataupun sekadar memaafkan untuk mengambil hati mereka. Apabila telah menemui keputusan muktamad , hendaklah yakin dengan keputusan yang anda buat.
Langkah 3
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Tanya kepada diri sendiri - Selalu bertanya kepada diri sendiri adakah perkara yang boleh anda lakukan untuk menghindarkan perselisihan berlaku. Hal ini bukan bermakna anda perlu memaksa sahabat untuk menyakiti hati anda tetapi apabila selalu terjadi maka anda akan tahu apa yang boleh dielakkan daripada berlaku atau tahu apa yang boleh berlaku. Adakah anda akan menilai yang baik dalam diri sahabat atau membiarkan saja ia berlalu ? Adakah anda memilih untuk percaya kepada sesuatu yang anda tahu bahawa sebenarnya ia hanya pembohongan semata-mata. Adakah anda sebenarnya berusaha mengatasi masalah anda bersamanya atau anda meminta bantuan rakan yang lain untuk khidmat nasihat ? Soalan-soalan ini secara jujur boleh membantu anda untuk berehat sebentar mengaudit diri sendiri dan memastikan agar anda tidak terluka lagi.
Langkah 4
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Jangan tunggu - Jangan sekali-kali anda berlengah untuk memaafkan orang yang anda rapat. Pasti membanggakan sahabat yang memulakan persengketaan itu dapat melihat di mana silapnya hubungan anda dengan mereka. Mana tahu sebelum anda menuturkan kata maaf terlebih dulu mereka yang mengucapkannya. Perbuatan memaafkan membuatkan mereka terfikir sejenak, tiada guna terus bermasam muka. Sedangkan perbuatan bermasam muka itu adalah sikap yang tidak baik dan tidak akan membawa apa-apa keuntungan kepada kedua belah pihak. Daripada kedua dua anda sakit hati lebih baik sama-sama memaafkan, bak kata pepatah buang yang keruh ambil yang jernih.
Langkah 5
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Tidak perlu keliru - Apabila rakan anda menyakiti hati anda itu tiba tiba datang meminta maaf, janganlah anda keliru. Jangan keliru dengan kemaafan yang mengatasi segalanya ataupun kemaafan yang menerima apa apa saja yang terjadi. Jika mereka datang dengan kata maaf yang sesungguhnya maka, maafkanlah mereka dengan hati yang terbuka. Minta mereka berjanji agar tidak melakukan perkara yang menyakitkan itu lagi. Namun, jika mereka melahirkan kata maaf tetapi anda boleh lihat tiada langsung terpancar keikhlasan dalam hati mereka cubalah memaafkan juga tetapi sentiasa berhati-hati kerana ia mungkin akan berulang lagi. Mencegah lebih baik dari mengubati, kerana mengubati hati yang sakit mengambil masa agak lama.
Langkah 6
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Bersikap Terbuka - Janganlah anda mengambil sikap sombong jika sahabat karib menghulurkan kata maaf. Sebagai manusia biasa mereka juga tidak lari daripada melakukan kesilapan, Memang kita tidak boleh mengulangi masa lampau tetapi cubalah bersikap terbuka, positif dan sentiasa memaafkan. Perbuatan memaafkan ini merupakan terapi baik untuk hati. Anda perlu cuba mencari jalan mengatasi dan maafkanlah mereka. Memang mereka tidak punyai kuasa untuk menghilangkan kekecewaan tetapi itu semua bergantung kepada diri anda sendiri.
Langkah 7
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Jangan takut bertanya kedua kali - Sebagai seorang yang sudah matang dalam kehidupan, anda tidak perlu takut untuk bertanya kali kedua. Proses kemaafan bukanlah perkara yang mudah. Oleh itu cubalah sebaik mungkin dengan tiada paksaan. Mungkin anda mengambil masa untuk mengatasi perasaan yang sakit itu. Jika seseorang benar benar memerlikan kemaafan pasti dia akan benar benar berusaha untuk mencapainya.
Sumber : Majalah Midi 15 Oktober 2009, ms 94-95
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Hari semalam di petang yang tak berapa nak indah....Ini pertama kali terjumpa, terbeli dan terbaca majalah Midi. Hmmm.... mungkin tetiba berjodoh pulak nak bertemu majalah ni... huhu....Sebelum ni memang tak pernah dengar langsung pasal majalah ni.
Kerana diriku ini tetibe jer rasa tak boleh nak concentrate lagi buat keje kat opis sebab jiwa kacau dapat sejibik email ....lantas ku angkut beg keluar dari ofis dan melepak di kedai buku.... perghh macam la opis tu dia yang punya share... Mula-mula tu masa melepak kat kedai buku mamak di sebuah kawasan perumahan terkemuka di Kuala Lumpur tercinta ni, cuma belek-belek gitu-gitu apek jer majalah ni....belek-punya-belek terjumpa a nice artikel, tapi bukan artikel ditulis di atas tau .... artikel yang lain tajuknya 'Bersabar Gunakan Akal yang Tajam'.... tengah-tengah baca tu macam tak sedap hati la pulak sebab ada mata-mata yang menjeling (kalo jeling nak ngorat ok gak la.... tapi ni jeling macam nak makan orang je)
So tak semena-mena hanya kerana nak habiskan baca artikel tadi tu terkorban la RM4.20.....tapi Alhamdulillah memang tak rugi pon, banyak informasi yang berguna ada dalam majalah ni. Dalam masa 2 jam je dah abes melayan baca kat library sebelah rumah ni. Bila dah habis melayan barulah tersedar iklan kat mukasurat belakang akan tema Majalah Midi ni 'Satu-satunya majalah untuk wanita berusia 40 tahun ke atas di Malaysia'... Alamak belum cukup umur la !!
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Mengaku salah - anda seharusnya mengaku bahawa anda adalah punca segala masalah. Tidak rugi mengaku bersalah. Sebenarnya dalam masyarakat kita begitu susah untuk mengaku salah melainkan hanya menuding jari mencari kesalahan orang lain. Berterus terang dengan kawan bahawa anda benar-benar terluka dengan sikap mereka. Tetapi tiada guna anda terus bermasam muka dan daripada awal lagi anda sudah memaafkan mereka. Sikap berterus terang akan melegakan hati dan perasaan anda yang sakit hati akan terubat dengan sendirinya. Jika tidak percaya cuba lakukannya pasti anda dapat merasakan masalah pergi dengan sendirinya dan kepala anda akan berehat dengan tenang.
Langkah 2
~~~~~~~
Jangan terburu-buru - Apabila mahu memaafkan seseorang janganlah terburu-buru melakukannya lebih-lebih lagi teman tersayang anda. Anda akan merasakan anda tidak boleh hidup tanpa mereka kerana semua aktiviti harian dilakukan bersama-sama. Apabila seseorang yang rapat dengan kita menggores hati pasti secara tidak langsung perasaan kita akan menjadi keliru. Perasaan sayang kita kepada mereka mula bercelaru dengan pengalaman yang baru berlaku. Sebelum anda melakukan sesuatu, tarik nafas dalam-dalam dan berfikiran sewajarnya dan ambil sebanyak masa yang anda perlukan. Buatlah keputusan yang sebaiknya sama ada anda mahu memaafkan mereka kerana anda betul-betul ikhlas memaafkan ataupun sekadar memaafkan untuk mengambil hati mereka. Apabila telah menemui keputusan muktamad , hendaklah yakin dengan keputusan yang anda buat.
Langkah 3
~~~~~~~
Tanya kepada diri sendiri - Selalu bertanya kepada diri sendiri adakah perkara yang boleh anda lakukan untuk menghindarkan perselisihan berlaku. Hal ini bukan bermakna anda perlu memaksa sahabat untuk menyakiti hati anda tetapi apabila selalu terjadi maka anda akan tahu apa yang boleh dielakkan daripada berlaku atau tahu apa yang boleh berlaku. Adakah anda akan menilai yang baik dalam diri sahabat atau membiarkan saja ia berlalu ? Adakah anda memilih untuk percaya kepada sesuatu yang anda tahu bahawa sebenarnya ia hanya pembohongan semata-mata. Adakah anda sebenarnya berusaha mengatasi masalah anda bersamanya atau anda meminta bantuan rakan yang lain untuk khidmat nasihat ? Soalan-soalan ini secara jujur boleh membantu anda untuk berehat sebentar mengaudit diri sendiri dan memastikan agar anda tidak terluka lagi.
Langkah 4
~~~~~~~
Jangan tunggu - Jangan sekali-kali anda berlengah untuk memaafkan orang yang anda rapat. Pasti membanggakan sahabat yang memulakan persengketaan itu dapat melihat di mana silapnya hubungan anda dengan mereka. Mana tahu sebelum anda menuturkan kata maaf terlebih dulu mereka yang mengucapkannya. Perbuatan memaafkan membuatkan mereka terfikir sejenak, tiada guna terus bermasam muka. Sedangkan perbuatan bermasam muka itu adalah sikap yang tidak baik dan tidak akan membawa apa-apa keuntungan kepada kedua belah pihak. Daripada kedua dua anda sakit hati lebih baik sama-sama memaafkan, bak kata pepatah buang yang keruh ambil yang jernih.
Langkah 5
~~~~~~~
Tidak perlu keliru - Apabila rakan anda menyakiti hati anda itu tiba tiba datang meminta maaf, janganlah anda keliru. Jangan keliru dengan kemaafan yang mengatasi segalanya ataupun kemaafan yang menerima apa apa saja yang terjadi. Jika mereka datang dengan kata maaf yang sesungguhnya maka, maafkanlah mereka dengan hati yang terbuka. Minta mereka berjanji agar tidak melakukan perkara yang menyakitkan itu lagi. Namun, jika mereka melahirkan kata maaf tetapi anda boleh lihat tiada langsung terpancar keikhlasan dalam hati mereka cubalah memaafkan juga tetapi sentiasa berhati-hati kerana ia mungkin akan berulang lagi. Mencegah lebih baik dari mengubati, kerana mengubati hati yang sakit mengambil masa agak lama.
Langkah 6
~~~~~~~
Bersikap Terbuka - Janganlah anda mengambil sikap sombong jika sahabat karib menghulurkan kata maaf. Sebagai manusia biasa mereka juga tidak lari daripada melakukan kesilapan, Memang kita tidak boleh mengulangi masa lampau tetapi cubalah bersikap terbuka, positif dan sentiasa memaafkan. Perbuatan memaafkan ini merupakan terapi baik untuk hati. Anda perlu cuba mencari jalan mengatasi dan maafkanlah mereka. Memang mereka tidak punyai kuasa untuk menghilangkan kekecewaan tetapi itu semua bergantung kepada diri anda sendiri.
Langkah 7
~~~~~~~
Jangan takut bertanya kedua kali - Sebagai seorang yang sudah matang dalam kehidupan, anda tidak perlu takut untuk bertanya kali kedua. Proses kemaafan bukanlah perkara yang mudah. Oleh itu cubalah sebaik mungkin dengan tiada paksaan. Mungkin anda mengambil masa untuk mengatasi perasaan yang sakit itu. Jika seseorang benar benar memerlikan kemaafan pasti dia akan benar benar berusaha untuk mencapainya.
Sumber : Majalah Midi 15 Oktober 2009, ms 94-95
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hari semalam di petang yang tak berapa nak indah....Ini pertama kali terjumpa, terbeli dan terbaca majalah Midi. Hmmm.... mungkin tetiba berjodoh pulak nak bertemu majalah ni... huhu....Sebelum ni memang tak pernah dengar langsung pasal majalah ni.
Kerana diriku ini tetibe jer rasa tak boleh nak concentrate lagi buat keje kat opis sebab jiwa kacau dapat sejibik email ....lantas ku angkut beg keluar dari ofis dan melepak di kedai buku.... perghh macam la opis tu dia yang punya share... Mula-mula tu masa melepak kat kedai buku mamak di sebuah kawasan perumahan terkemuka di Kuala Lumpur tercinta ni, cuma belek-belek gitu-gitu apek jer majalah ni....belek-punya-belek terjumpa a nice artikel, tapi bukan artikel ditulis di atas tau .... artikel yang lain tajuknya 'Bersabar Gunakan Akal yang Tajam'.... tengah-tengah baca tu macam tak sedap hati la pulak sebab ada mata-mata yang menjeling (kalo jeling nak ngorat ok gak la.... tapi ni jeling macam nak makan orang je)
So tak semena-mena hanya kerana nak habiskan baca artikel tadi tu terkorban la RM4.20.....tapi Alhamdulillah memang tak rugi pon, banyak informasi yang berguna ada dalam majalah ni. Dalam masa 2 jam je dah abes melayan baca kat library sebelah rumah ni. Bila dah habis melayan barulah tersedar iklan kat mukasurat belakang akan tema Majalah Midi ni 'Satu-satunya majalah untuk wanita berusia 40 tahun ke atas di Malaysia'... Alamak belum cukup umur la !!
Monday, 19 October 2009
How To Help Someone Suffering An Anxiety Disorder
This is very useful article if you encounter someone having a panick or anxiety attack, obtained from Getting To Know Anxiety http://www.backfrominsanity.com/. When i first read this article, it really does reflect what type of support i need during the episode of panic attack.... all i just wanted is a space where i can fight the feelings but at the same time i know there's someone i trust is there and knows i'm having an episode.... there are maybe some words of encouragement that i can tolerate which are 'Everything will be fine, it's only panic attack', 'hanging there, focus that you will be fine' and 'Allah always be with you', however it depends on the severity of the attack...at some time (the worst ever episode especially when i forgot to bring my prescription drug from Doctor or when the attack occurs due to drugs withdrawal effect) even a single noise will make me more disturbed.
Here it goes........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we go through this information, I want you to understand that this section is of
importance to those trying to help another person who is experiencing, or dealing with,
Anxiety on a daily basis. How you provide support to them may help them to control
their Anxiety to some degree.
First thing is first. NEVER belittle or try to downplay someone's Anxiety Disorder.
This is a REAL disorder and should be respected as such. Don't just dismiss their
episode as a one time event, or try and 'solve' their problem through rationalization.
You have to understand that when a person is actually going through an Anxiety attack
rationality is not something they are concentrating on. Or listening to. This is an
extremely frightening experience and no matter how much you'd want to, you CANNOT
MAKE THIS EXPERIENCE GO AWAY. Only the individual who is HAVING the
attack has the power to do this. Not YOU.
The absolute WORST thing you can do is to act as if they are LYING or ACTING to
get attention. This is simply not the case. While you may BELIEVE this to be true
because you have never yourself experienced the unrelenting terror of an Anxiety
attack, that doesn't mean that it isn't happening to someone you care about.
Imagine for a second that you had witnessed a "physical" accident that your loved one
or dear friend was a part of. Something you could SEE the outcome from. Wouldn't you
do everything in your power to help them?
What if they were trapped inside a car that was on fire? What if they were trapped
underwater and were drowning? You would want to aid them, wouldn't you? What if
they had stopped breathing? Would you just stand around watching them pass away? Or
would you do everything you could to administer CPR to them, even if you weren't sure
you were doing it correctly?
While the above examples are extreme, sometimes, to an Anxiety sufferer, it absolutely
feels like the end of their world. As if they are drowning in a sea of chaos and
disparity,unable to pull themselves out.
Also, by attempting to in effect ignore the Anxiety attack, you are probably contributing
to another disorder that goes hand in hand with Anxiety. . .Depression.
Instead of holding them down 'under water', try throwing them a life preserver the next
time they have an attack.
How can you do that? Just BE there for them. Let them know that while you may not
understand what they are going through, you are there for them and will stay until they
feel better.
Do NOT try and force someone out of an Anxiety attack. It could make the attack that
much worse for them. Just let the attack happen naturally, and in most, if not all, cases,
their bodies will help them come out of the 'hot' zone all on it's own. And if it doesn't,
get them to the nearest emergency room as soon as you can. Or call an emergency squad
to take them.
Also, NEVER try and give someone suffering from an Anxiety attack any type of
prescription drugs that have not been prescribed by their family physician. Seems like
common sense, but when you see a loved one going through such a painful event, you
really want to help them. Believe me, THIS WILL NOT HELP THEM. Getting them
to a professional source, such as an emergency room or their own family physician, for
help WILL.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOTEs:
As Malaysian... do you think this article is more useful if it is in Bahasa Melayu ? Because I think there's not much article related to mental illness which were written in Malay except in local newspapers...
Do you think that our Malaysian society is lack of information about mental illness, because they are scared of stigma related to it such as people who has mental illness are regarded as being insane or crazy ?
please response to my email mymentalhealth.blog@gmail.com or leave you comment here....Thank You....
Here it goes........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we go through this information, I want you to understand that this section is of
importance to those trying to help another person who is experiencing, or dealing with,
Anxiety on a daily basis. How you provide support to them may help them to control
their Anxiety to some degree.
First thing is first. NEVER belittle or try to downplay someone's Anxiety Disorder.
This is a REAL disorder and should be respected as such. Don't just dismiss their
episode as a one time event, or try and 'solve' their problem through rationalization.
You have to understand that when a person is actually going through an Anxiety attack
rationality is not something they are concentrating on. Or listening to. This is an
extremely frightening experience and no matter how much you'd want to, you CANNOT
MAKE THIS EXPERIENCE GO AWAY. Only the individual who is HAVING the
attack has the power to do this. Not YOU.
The absolute WORST thing you can do is to act as if they are LYING or ACTING to
get attention. This is simply not the case. While you may BELIEVE this to be true
because you have never yourself experienced the unrelenting terror of an Anxiety
attack, that doesn't mean that it isn't happening to someone you care about.
Imagine for a second that you had witnessed a "physical" accident that your loved one
or dear friend was a part of. Something you could SEE the outcome from. Wouldn't you
do everything in your power to help them?
What if they were trapped inside a car that was on fire? What if they were trapped
underwater and were drowning? You would want to aid them, wouldn't you? What if
they had stopped breathing? Would you just stand around watching them pass away? Or
would you do everything you could to administer CPR to them, even if you weren't sure
you were doing it correctly?
While the above examples are extreme, sometimes, to an Anxiety sufferer, it absolutely
feels like the end of their world. As if they are drowning in a sea of chaos and
disparity,unable to pull themselves out.
Also, by attempting to in effect ignore the Anxiety attack, you are probably contributing
to another disorder that goes hand in hand with Anxiety. . .Depression.
Instead of holding them down 'under water', try throwing them a life preserver the next
time they have an attack.
How can you do that? Just BE there for them. Let them know that while you may not
understand what they are going through, you are there for them and will stay until they
feel better.
Do NOT try and force someone out of an Anxiety attack. It could make the attack that
much worse for them. Just let the attack happen naturally, and in most, if not all, cases,
their bodies will help them come out of the 'hot' zone all on it's own. And if it doesn't,
get them to the nearest emergency room as soon as you can. Or call an emergency squad
to take them.
Also, NEVER try and give someone suffering from an Anxiety attack any type of
prescription drugs that have not been prescribed by their family physician. Seems like
common sense, but when you see a loved one going through such a painful event, you
really want to help them. Believe me, THIS WILL NOT HELP THEM. Getting them
to a professional source, such as an emergency room or their own family physician, for
help WILL.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOTEs:
As Malaysian... do you think this article is more useful if it is in Bahasa Melayu ? Because I think there's not much article related to mental illness which were written in Malay except in local newspapers...
Do you think that our Malaysian society is lack of information about mental illness, because they are scared of stigma related to it such as people who has mental illness are regarded as being insane or crazy ?
please response to my email mymentalhealth.blog@gmail.com or leave you comment here....Thank You....
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Lepak kali ke 3 di Williams
Tadi baru balik dari makan malam kat Williams...Ini kali ke-3 lepak di Mamak Williams... siap boleh kira dengan tepat lagi jitu tu ....Actually dah 7 kali kawan-kawanku mengajak ke sana... tapi yang cuma dapat join 3 kali je....First time makan kat Williams ni dengan family and family dari Ipoh....punya la excited semuanya sampai semua orang diwajibkan meng'order' juadah yang berbeza-beza supaya kami dapat merasa makanan-makanan kat situ melalui satu sesi pusingan rasa-merasa dan jamah menjamah ... Sesape yg pernah makan kat situ memang tau William ni terkenal dengan keunikan makanan nye yg bersaiz untuk yang mempunyai perut ala-ala perut lembu yang ade 4 komponen tu (Ingat lagi tak kat sekolah kita pernah belajar pasal sistem penghadaman perut lembu tu camane....siap ade tempat simpanan makanan lagi tu...) Menu-menunya pon menarik2 belaka....mee raja la...tripple H la...chicken kiev la...hidangan pasta, italians, malaysian dan bermacam2 lagi...
Masa nak pergi tu ade rasa 'anxious' sbb ingat2 lupa jalan nak ke sana... sesat jugak tapi berjaya jumpa jalan pulang ke William... area Kelana Jaya tu pusing-pusing tang tu jugak.... Tadi cuma pergi berdua je.... sepatutnye bertiga.... tapi last minute pulak member sorang lagi tu tak dapat join....alahai...dah la lama tak jumpa minah sorang ni, tp dia tak dapat join pulak....Walaupun pergi berdua je....tapi berborak punya berborak tak sedar dah 2 jam kat William makanan dah habis makan dalam masa setengah jam je dah licin tapi sesi berboraknye lagi lama dari sesi makan ....pukul 11.30 malam baru start kereta balik rumah....eh sebelum balik tu sempat jugak rembat cd lagu 3 for RM16...
Petang sebelum pergi Williams tu dapat sms dari ex-officemate.... dia nak pergi buat Haji.... bagusnya ...rasanya last year pon dia baru pergi Mekah...tapi tak ingat for Umrah ke Haji...tapi rasanya macam buat Haji....Atas urusan kerja sesambil buat Haji sebab company lama tu ade projek dengan jemaah Haji.....last year sempat gak la pesan kat dia suruh doakan tuan empunya blog ni dimurahkan rezeki dan ditemukan jodoh....Dan kali ni dia tanya lagi, nak mintak tolong doakan apa depan Kaabah... mmmm ikutkan rasa hati macam nak suruh dia doakan benda yang sama macam last year....tapi sound desperate la plak....hehehhe.... ape ye nak mintak ? MMMMMMmmm....Fikir punye fikir rasanya macam dah tau dah nak mintak dia tolong doakan apa depan Kaabah tu.....tapi biarlah rahsia....semoga permintaan doaku dimakbulkan Allah, Amin.
Sekarang ni malam-malam buta asyik hujan lebat jer kat sini....petir kilat pun tak kurang juga nak sambung menyambung dan sambar menyambar ni......mintak2 jgn sambar lappyku dan wifiku sudah la.....kena cabut plug ni cepat2....takut gak betul2 disambarnye ...... Assalamualaikum....
Masa nak pergi tu ade rasa 'anxious' sbb ingat2 lupa jalan nak ke sana... sesat jugak tapi berjaya jumpa jalan pulang ke William... area Kelana Jaya tu pusing-pusing tang tu jugak.... Tadi cuma pergi berdua je.... sepatutnye bertiga.... tapi last minute pulak member sorang lagi tu tak dapat join....alahai...dah la lama tak jumpa minah sorang ni, tp dia tak dapat join pulak....Walaupun pergi berdua je....tapi berborak punya berborak tak sedar dah 2 jam kat William makanan dah habis makan dalam masa setengah jam je dah licin tapi sesi berboraknye lagi lama dari sesi makan ....pukul 11.30 malam baru start kereta balik rumah....eh sebelum balik tu sempat jugak rembat cd lagu 3 for RM16...
Petang sebelum pergi Williams tu dapat sms dari ex-officemate.... dia nak pergi buat Haji.... bagusnya ...rasanya last year pon dia baru pergi Mekah...tapi tak ingat for Umrah ke Haji...tapi rasanya macam buat Haji....Atas urusan kerja sesambil buat Haji sebab company lama tu ade projek dengan jemaah Haji.....last year sempat gak la pesan kat dia suruh doakan tuan empunya blog ni dimurahkan rezeki dan ditemukan jodoh....Dan kali ni dia tanya lagi, nak mintak tolong doakan apa depan Kaabah... mmmm ikutkan rasa hati macam nak suruh dia doakan benda yang sama macam last year....tapi sound desperate la plak....hehehhe.... ape ye nak mintak ? MMMMMMmmm....Fikir punye fikir rasanya macam dah tau dah nak mintak dia tolong doakan apa depan Kaabah tu.....tapi biarlah rahsia....semoga permintaan doaku dimakbulkan Allah, Amin.
Sekarang ni malam-malam buta asyik hujan lebat jer kat sini....petir kilat pun tak kurang juga nak sambung menyambung dan sambar menyambar ni......mintak2 jgn sambar lappyku dan wifiku sudah la.....kena cabut plug ni cepat2....takut gak betul2 disambarnye ...... Assalamualaikum....
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Xanax 0.5mg cut into half
A day full of ... hmmm...mood swing ? mind twisting ? ooorrr emotional madness? to be honest i'm not quite sure what type of day i had today.... one hour i'm overwhelmed with mind full of self-pity, self-criticizing and feelings of disappointment about everything that had happened in my life and also worrying about my blurred future, the thoughts was so real that makes me run into the toilet to let go off my feelings (crying , of course). Then, i found myself chit chatting and giggling with my colleagues. The next 2 hours after that i had my eyes sticked to the monitor with full concetration switching between work and internet. Then back again thinking of bad and depressing thoughts, missing my arwah Abah a lot and reminisced disputes i had with a 'best friend' and how much i hated what he has done to me but not to mention missing his present during the good old times despite my hatred towards him (however i still don't intend to contact him anymore.) And the cycle goes on and on until the end of the day, as i walk out from my office door the darkness of night surrounded me and suddenly FEAR creeping inside me....it's the sign of panic attack... while trying to contend my panic , i quickly went to Surau, thinking hard to find ways to avoid developing severe panic attack alone bcoz there's not many people working late at the office... my mind wanted to get help by calling someone who can understand my situation, however i ended up calling no one as not many person i knew may understand what i am dealing with.... they sometimes can even makes things worst for me (read: in my opinion people in Malaysia are still not well educated on how to deal with people having panic attacks)....i've tried techniques i've read to reduce panic attack ...yeahh....relaxation techniques and deep breathing...but failed the feeling kept coming back......I then felt confused and started to loose my reality every minutes.... as quick recovery and as a last resort.. i hesitantly popped into my mouth half of xanax 0.5mg.....as the feeling subsided... i safely arrived home with a guilt of taking Xanax because i've experienced how bad it is when you've become dependent with Xanax......
I think it's about time to make appoinment with Dr. Kasmini Kassim
I think it's about time to make appoinment with Dr. Kasmini Kassim
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
A Fire Drill and A Helping Hand
~~~~~~~
Fire drill
~~~~~~~
Just came back from a fire drill session at my workplace.... like the ordinary & previous fire drill sessions, the bell will make irritating noise out and loud of the usual sound of long unstoppable
'Rrrrrriiiiiiinnnnngggggg Lllliinnnggggg Riiinnggggg LLLliiiiinnnnggggg Rrrriiinnggg Lllliiingg!!!!!!'
And then the long waiting session came ..... waiting for all to gather at the space provided and grouped into each departments and floors ..... the new thing in today's session was all volunteers for each group wears a yellow fluorescent vest, holding and displaying the department's name and floor just to make the crowd into more organized manner compare to last year session.....after all people in the building successfully gathered outside, 'BOMBA' will begin their checking to make sure that no people were 'burning' in the building.
I don't like to be in a crowd full of people and do nothing.... especially when my mood is not in 'OK' condition... Hence, as an escape of being waiting and agitating, i told our group volunteer that i want to go to the ladies because 'Cannot tahan la' .....but instead i just wait there (read: outside the ladies room... just nearby the staircase... at least i can see the crowd & know what's going around there) until the whole thing was over ....ha..ha !! What a brilliant escape idea..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Helping Hand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last weekend... on the way back from Banting... we drop by my parents' friend house... actually they invited us for Raya openhouse... but since the openhouse was only until 4 pm (read: we only arrived at their house on 5 pm) so it turn out to be just a friend's visit...
The couple have a daughter...slightly older than me.... i never saw her everytime we pay them a visit...my mother informed me that she has a problem, she don't like to meet strangers and just stay at her room when everybody comes to their house. The word 'Social Phobia' popped out from my mind and the urge to help her coming out from the dark by suggesting to see psychiatrist filling my head... but how am i to approach her family to do so without being labeled as busy body?
Fire drill
~~~~~~~
Just came back from a fire drill session at my workplace.... like the ordinary & previous fire drill sessions, the bell will make irritating noise out and loud of the usual sound of long unstoppable
'Rrrrrriiiiiiinnnnngggggg Lllliinnnggggg Riiinnggggg LLLliiiiinnnnggggg Rrrriiinnggg Lllliiingg!!!!!!'
And then the long waiting session came ..... waiting for all to gather at the space provided and grouped into each departments and floors ..... the new thing in today's session was all volunteers for each group wears a yellow fluorescent vest, holding and displaying the department's name and floor just to make the crowd into more organized manner compare to last year session.....after all people in the building successfully gathered outside, 'BOMBA' will begin their checking to make sure that no people were 'burning' in the building.
I don't like to be in a crowd full of people and do nothing.... especially when my mood is not in 'OK' condition... Hence, as an escape of being waiting and agitating, i told our group volunteer that i want to go to the ladies because 'Cannot tahan la' .....but instead i just wait there (read: outside the ladies room... just nearby the staircase... at least i can see the crowd & know what's going around there) until the whole thing was over ....ha..ha !! What a brilliant escape idea..!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Helping Hand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last weekend... on the way back from Banting... we drop by my parents' friend house... actually they invited us for Raya openhouse... but since the openhouse was only until 4 pm (read: we only arrived at their house on 5 pm) so it turn out to be just a friend's visit...
The couple have a daughter...slightly older than me.... i never saw her everytime we pay them a visit...my mother informed me that she has a problem, she don't like to meet strangers and just stay at her room when everybody comes to their house. The word 'Social Phobia' popped out from my mind and the urge to help her coming out from the dark by suggesting to see psychiatrist filling my head... but how am i to approach her family to do so without being labeled as busy body?
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
When my mind become out of control, emotions went high and touch of reality fade away.....
I can't believe it ! I can blog from my office..?!! Ouh...Still taking some time to admit the fact that i can send my blog entri via my workplace..... Wow... am i happy..? Of course ! So now if i'm fasting or not going out during lunch instead of sleeping on my desk, i can go blogging... It's unbelievable actually knowing that our IT personnel didn't block this page because there are numbers of websites that are being block by them.... all email websites, facebook, friendster...and the list goes on......
As now i'm entering our office luchtime whilst fasting... i can spend my time to write today's entry.... and here it goes.....
Bismillahirahmanirahim...
When my mind become out of control, my emotions went high and my touch to reality fade away..... that's the feelings when the episode of mental breakdown occured to me. During episodes of panic attacks, anxiety went out of control, emotion going roller coaster and depression makes the big hit to the rock bottom. Sometimes (read: not all the time) when this scary moment happen in the office or anywhere else where i can't find somebody i trust to find comfort by expressing my inner feelings (read: in reality, it is difficult to find that somebody who understand what i'm going through during the episodes)....i will reach out for any medium that enable me to write my inner feelings ...and my easiest medium to reach out is my beloved handphone.
Here are some of my expression during my mental breakdown episodes that i've saved in my handphone, yeah i didn't delete the drafts.... just for future reference... and there's one i wrote using Microsoft Words in my office (obviously i forgot to bring my handphone on that day )
1. Date : 17 March 2009, Location: Office, Medium : Microsoft Words
'This is a story of me… on 17 March 2009…. A person who has generalized anxiety disorder, for about 8 year plus since first diagnosis… who has hormone imbalance which only can make me menstruate if I take hormone pills…. A person who sometimes suffers from depression in 1 hour and can be very happy 1 hour after that….. A person who had experience depression in her early life as a career woman and had the first panic attack when she finally becomes somebody’s girlfriend at the age of 21. And now on 17 March 2009 … the feeling of tense overwhelmed me thinking of…. Is there a good guy out there destined for me…? Who love me as I am...? I wrote this after a friend of me tell me about her problem… recently she become close to her ex-fiancée and wondering why suddenly this guy hitting on her again…. Then she kept receiving message from a girl… who claimed that she is getting married with her ex-fiancée on April!! I pity this poor lady because she is getting married with a guy who is still thinking of his ex-fiancée and not so sure about his feeling marrying her…. And I pity my friend because getting false hope from his ex-fiancée…. Why are guys always hurting girls feeling with his immature way of thinking and uncertainties? '
2. Date : 28 September 2009, Location : Office , Medium : My Handphone
'I need help badly ! I need to forget about something.. Everything bad that happened to my life in this year, I'm already exhausted keeping it to myself and i want out immediately! My office environment keeps the memories i want to forget or maybe the work environment that was not up to beat for me that make my mind have plenty of time think unthoughful thoughts and makes me remind of these bad feelings... Or maybe i'm just like this? Or I’m just too worried that my life turns out not as i expected how it should be like many of us here on earth ? '
3. Date : 18 September 2009, Location : Office, Medium : My Handphone
'I really need help ! i think my mental health is in problem so the effect of this mental things makes me tired physically.... i need urgent attention....urgent rectification....How do i make it go away ? Me, myself need always to think positive. There are help and cure for any ailments'
4. Date : 22 May 2009, Location : Office, Medium : My Handphone
'I don't want to eat Xanax but lately my condition is getting worst and worst ... i need help badly before i get burnout....Tekanan perasaan yang sungguh hebat ujian daripada Tuhan ke atas diriku... penyakit mental menyebabkan diriku mudah depress, panik dan fobia...sekarang ni takut pengsan je....jangan takut.... i'll be fine.... Allah ada.'
Wow.... when i read it back.... feel like i'm in total madness....... however i did survive through all the episodes.....I just need to be strong...... Thank You Allah for giving me strength..
As now i'm entering our office luchtime whilst fasting... i can spend my time to write today's entry.... and here it goes.....
Bismillahirahmanirahim...
When my mind become out of control, my emotions went high and my touch to reality fade away..... that's the feelings when the episode of mental breakdown occured to me. During episodes of panic attacks, anxiety went out of control, emotion going roller coaster and depression makes the big hit to the rock bottom. Sometimes (read: not all the time) when this scary moment happen in the office or anywhere else where i can't find somebody i trust to find comfort by expressing my inner feelings (read: in reality, it is difficult to find that somebody who understand what i'm going through during the episodes)....i will reach out for any medium that enable me to write my inner feelings ...and my easiest medium to reach out is my beloved handphone.
Here are some of my expression during my mental breakdown episodes that i've saved in my handphone, yeah i didn't delete the drafts.... just for future reference... and there's one i wrote using Microsoft Words in my office (obviously i forgot to bring my handphone on that day )
1. Date : 17 March 2009, Location: Office, Medium : Microsoft Words
'This is a story of me… on 17 March 2009…. A person who has generalized anxiety disorder, for about 8 year plus since first diagnosis… who has hormone imbalance which only can make me menstruate if I take hormone pills…. A person who sometimes suffers from depression in 1 hour and can be very happy 1 hour after that….. A person who had experience depression in her early life as a career woman and had the first panic attack when she finally becomes somebody’s girlfriend at the age of 21. And now on 17 March 2009 … the feeling of tense overwhelmed me thinking of…. Is there a good guy out there destined for me…? Who love me as I am...? I wrote this after a friend of me tell me about her problem… recently she become close to her ex-fiancée and wondering why suddenly this guy hitting on her again…. Then she kept receiving message from a girl… who claimed that she is getting married with her ex-fiancée on April!! I pity this poor lady because she is getting married with a guy who is still thinking of his ex-fiancée and not so sure about his feeling marrying her…. And I pity my friend because getting false hope from his ex-fiancée…. Why are guys always hurting girls feeling with his immature way of thinking and uncertainties? '
2. Date : 28 September 2009, Location : Office , Medium : My Handphone
'I need help badly ! I need to forget about something.. Everything bad that happened to my life in this year, I'm already exhausted keeping it to myself and i want out immediately! My office environment keeps the memories i want to forget or maybe the work environment that was not up to beat for me that make my mind have plenty of time think unthoughful thoughts and makes me remind of these bad feelings... Or maybe i'm just like this? Or I’m just too worried that my life turns out not as i expected how it should be like many of us here on earth ? '
3. Date : 18 September 2009, Location : Office, Medium : My Handphone
'I really need help ! i think my mental health is in problem so the effect of this mental things makes me tired physically.... i need urgent attention....urgent rectification....How do i make it go away ? Me, myself need always to think positive. There are help and cure for any ailments'
4. Date : 22 May 2009, Location : Office, Medium : My Handphone
'I don't want to eat Xanax but lately my condition is getting worst and worst ... i need help badly before i get burnout....Tekanan perasaan yang sungguh hebat ujian daripada Tuhan ke atas diriku... penyakit mental menyebabkan diriku mudah depress, panik dan fobia...sekarang ni takut pengsan je....jangan takut.... i'll be fine.... Allah ada.'
Wow.... when i read it back.... feel like i'm in total madness....... however i did survive through all the episodes.....I just need to be strong...... Thank You Allah for giving me strength..
Hari Kesihatan Mental Sedunia 10 Oktober 2009
Tema - Kesihatan Mental dalam Penjagaan Utama: Mengukuhkan Rawatan dan Promosi Kesihatan Mental
Individu yang sihat mental berupaya mengekalkan perhubungan yang harmoni dengan orang lain, mengambil bahagian dalam aktiviti kemasyarakatan dan boleh menyumbang di dalam masyarakat (Definisi Pertubuhan Kesihatan Sedunia - WHO).
Menurut Polisi Kesihatan Mental Malaysia - kesihatan mental merujuk kepada keupayaan individu, kumpulan dan persekitaran untuk berinteraksi antara satu sama lain bagi menjana perasaan sejahtera dan fungsi yang optimis dan penggunaan kebolehan kognitif / intelek, efektif / emosi dan perhubungan dalam mencapai matlamat individu dan kumpulan yang konsisten dengan keadilan.
Secara amnya anda mempunyai kesihatan mental yang positif jika anda :
Individu yang sihat mental berupaya mengekalkan perhubungan yang harmoni dengan orang lain, mengambil bahagian dalam aktiviti kemasyarakatan dan boleh menyumbang di dalam masyarakat (Definisi Pertubuhan Kesihatan Sedunia - WHO).
Menurut Polisi Kesihatan Mental Malaysia - kesihatan mental merujuk kepada keupayaan individu, kumpulan dan persekitaran untuk berinteraksi antara satu sama lain bagi menjana perasaan sejahtera dan fungsi yang optimis dan penggunaan kebolehan kognitif / intelek, efektif / emosi dan perhubungan dalam mencapai matlamat individu dan kumpulan yang konsisten dengan keadilan.
Secara amnya anda mempunyai kesihatan mental yang positif jika anda :
- Selesa dengan diri sendiri
- Selesa dengan orang lain
- Selesa dengan persekitaran
- Dapat memenuhi tuntutan hidup
(Sumber: Mingguan Malaysia, 11 Oktober 2009)
Useful link for information about mental health in Malaysia:
My mental health check for today..... mmmm.... so far so good...
- attention / focus / reality / rationality -------score : 7/10
- emotion / mood / stress level ----------------score:6/10
- Physical health------------------------------ score:4/10
- Heart & soul / reminisce to Allah-------------score:6/10
comment : very painful headache which almost effect my today's mood, stiff neck and arm most probably cause by signboard climbing & shooting session on Sunday's outing @ Bukit Jugra Banting
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Banting
I'm in Banting right now, blogging from my cousin's house. Banting is about one and the half hour journey from KL, located in state of Selangor. Compare to 10 years ago, Banting now is more happening and lively, the road are wider with a smooth ride....10 years ago the road to Banting was a disaster for me and my family. Believe it or not, there is an 24 hours McDonald oultet only 5 minutes drive from my cousin's house in Taman Gembira, that's cool for a small town like Banting. We just came back from there after throwing a small birthday party to my cousin and our 'special gift' to him is BigMac with a candle on top... We also took a quick mid nite tour around Banting, we went to Pantai Kelanang and Pantai Morib.... It was a scary journey to Pantai Kelanang because there's no single street light along the small road, besides we are surrounded with mangroves... during the trip i just pray hard that our car was in good condition and Celcom signal was available....not to forget along the 'scary' journey i'm trying hard to keep myself from panic attacks in the middle of nowhere.....sigh... Luckily everything goes smoothly and we reach to Pantai Kelanang safely... hehe... but there's nothing much to see because it was very dark... but i believe it's a beatiful place if we went there during the daytime. Ouh...what a day .....
And now, checking my mental status for this week... mmm... i think this week was better than last week....i'm more productive in my work progress... i've finished checking and rectifying 5 reports.... Yeay..!! But there's also a few down time especially when the headache attack due to my allergic reaction and backpain causes by my poor posture and scoliosis ...but hey overall i'm OK and happy ...
P/S: I've Google some image of Pantai Kelanang ...since i don't have the chance to see it in the daytime... it makes me wonder how does the pantai look like....and this is the link for my search result (Thank you to the photo owner by sharing with us this image in Fotopages)
And now, checking my mental status for this week... mmm... i think this week was better than last week....i'm more productive in my work progress... i've finished checking and rectifying 5 reports.... Yeay..!! But there's also a few down time especially when the headache attack due to my allergic reaction and backpain causes by my poor posture and scoliosis ...but hey overall i'm OK and happy ...
P/S: I've Google some image of Pantai Kelanang ...since i don't have the chance to see it in the daytime... it makes me wonder how does the pantai look like....and this is the link for my search result (Thank you to the photo owner by sharing with us this image in Fotopages)
Saturday, 10 October 2009
Waiting
HeLLo !!
This is my posting while waiting for my sister and her fiance to arrive at my house. After this we will be heading to Banting for a family get together session. Yeah... every week in this special month of Syawal there will be many get together session with family, colleagues, old friends, ex-schoolmate... well you can name it.
Last week, there are an engagement and a wedding ceremony. Both occassions was so well organized. I enjoy being their guest, different organizer by two different friend, one is my best friend from primary school and the later is my officemate. The food was marvellous...
Oh no! i have to stop writing.... they are back.... need to do packing because i'll be staying there for one night..... BYE
This is my posting while waiting for my sister and her fiance to arrive at my house. After this we will be heading to Banting for a family get together session. Yeah... every week in this special month of Syawal there will be many get together session with family, colleagues, old friends, ex-schoolmate... well you can name it.
Last week, there are an engagement and a wedding ceremony. Both occassions was so well organized. I enjoy being their guest, different organizer by two different friend, one is my best friend from primary school and the later is my officemate. The food was marvellous...
Oh no! i have to stop writing.... they are back.... need to do packing because i'll be staying there for one night..... BYE
Friday, 2 October 2009
Healing my life
Assalamualaikum.... it's been a while I left this blog without any update...this week is a very tiring week for me...not physically but mentally....
There's some issues between me and a good friend of mine...I don't know what exactly causes this thing to happened.... maybe this issue only exist in my retarded mind, I’m unable to express anything plus I don’t want to make things worst….but what I know I feel angry, shame, dishonor, self-pity, left behind, cheated….all sort of negative feelings surrounded me…. I can’t even focus with my work…. What I’ve noticed throughout this week is… In the morning…. My mind can’t concentrate on my assignment…it kept reminisce the issues I had with this friend…it just can stop coming into my mind…. The feeling was surreal makes me shed tears in front of my pc….anything that can remind me of him, even small thing will frenzied my mind. My gloomy work environment makes the problem worst…So on Tuesday… I took medical leave and when to see doctor… as expected the doctor said ‘You’re depressed..!’ and prescribed me Sonar5 Tab 5mg for 1 week….a mild relaxant…..milder than xanax…. however if problem persist he will refer me to psychiatrist or prescribe me antidepressant…
I’ve always have problem swallowing capsules…so until today I did not take the prescribed meds….and things getting worst @ the office…feels like my mind going crazy and emotional going wild….when this happened I try to focus on something else such as deep breathing, reciting Quran, focus my mind on positive things and short meditation…it helps for a while though..
There's some issues between me and a good friend of mine...I don't know what exactly causes this thing to happened.... maybe this issue only exist in my retarded mind, I’m unable to express anything plus I don’t want to make things worst….but what I know I feel angry, shame, dishonor, self-pity, left behind, cheated….all sort of negative feelings surrounded me…. I can’t even focus with my work…. What I’ve noticed throughout this week is… In the morning…. My mind can’t concentrate on my assignment…it kept reminisce the issues I had with this friend…it just can stop coming into my mind…. The feeling was surreal makes me shed tears in front of my pc….anything that can remind me of him, even small thing will frenzied my mind. My gloomy work environment makes the problem worst…So on Tuesday… I took medical leave and when to see doctor… as expected the doctor said ‘You’re depressed..!’ and prescribed me Sonar5 Tab 5mg for 1 week….a mild relaxant…..milder than xanax…. however if problem persist he will refer me to psychiatrist or prescribe me antidepressant…
I’ve always have problem swallowing capsules…so until today I did not take the prescribed meds….and things getting worst @ the office…feels like my mind going crazy and emotional going wild….when this happened I try to focus on something else such as deep breathing, reciting Quran, focus my mind on positive things and short meditation…it helps for a while though..
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
Keeping Myself Busy...
Today, i've keep myself busy by cooking. I love cooking, it enhanced my vision of flavors on how to mix up the correct ingredients to produce tastes of food i wish to create. Thus my whole day today was filled with cutting, peeling, frying, boiling, simmering, baking and eating. Yum...Yum...!
By assigning yourself with task that are enjoyable in timely manner can teach oneselves to focus on things to be done in order to finish the task. It helps to divert your thoughts on something useful rather than filling up your mind with nonsense thinking of fear, worries and resentment.
As for me, by doing nothing such as watching boring tv show, surfing the internet without any good purpose or by simply daydreaming could aleviate my mind to think about all sorts of things, if it is a good one.... then it's ok & good sign ..... but what if it is not ? .... as a chronic worrier... my mind will always think of all the possibilities and consequences of each action i wanted to do or that have already passed ... the process can go on and on until it seem so real and this may causes anxiety level to increase. Since the day i had noticed this condition(too bad i just noticed it only recently) i always wake up everyday with today's list of things i love and enjoy to do in my mind. It is important to emphasize the word love and enjoy ... because i don't want to end up doing things that eventually makes me feel stressful.
By assigning yourself with task that are enjoyable in timely manner can teach oneselves to focus on things to be done in order to finish the task. It helps to divert your thoughts on something useful rather than filling up your mind with nonsense thinking of fear, worries and resentment.
As for me, by doing nothing such as watching boring tv show, surfing the internet without any good purpose or by simply daydreaming could aleviate my mind to think about all sorts of things, if it is a good one.... then it's ok & good sign ..... but what if it is not ? .... as a chronic worrier... my mind will always think of all the possibilities and consequences of each action i wanted to do or that have already passed ... the process can go on and on until it seem so real and this may causes anxiety level to increase. Since the day i had noticed this condition(too bad i just noticed it only recently) i always wake up everyday with today's list of things i love and enjoy to do in my mind. It is important to emphasize the word love and enjoy ... because i don't want to end up doing things that eventually makes me feel stressful.
Monday, 21 September 2009
Back in KL
Alhamdulillah ...i'm back in KL after having an enjoyable Raya in kampung. Felt tired physically but happy in my heart. Family gathering is the best part during Raya, our activities include photography session, chit chatting, teasing each other, burn fireworks and of course eat...eat and eat until i gain 5 kilos....I love being around them... laughter, love , care , togetherness surrounded us..... makes me forgot all my ailments and problems...thank you Allah for blessing me with this priceless rewards......
and heyy.... 5 minutes ago i received a text from my ex-primary schoolmate which i haven't met for a long time eventhough we live in the same area..she invited me to come over to her house for catching up on each other session...mmmm interesting huh ?.. & i am looking forward to meet her too and this causes my anxiety level up again.... yeahh, sometimes excitement and uncommon event in my life makes me nervous and sometimes panic could hits me. My mind started running wild, excitements and unfamiliar situation are able to cause my heart beats faster and my breathing faster... these two factors can lead to panic attack, if provided on that particular situation i am not strong enough physically and mentally to fight those bad thoughts and phobias. One thing i can do to ease bad thoughts and negative thinking away from my mind is to ask someone i'm comfortable with to accompany me into that unfamiliar situation... having that person as a companionship can focus down my bad thoughts to her/him rather than going alone ..because by going alone i have me by myself, i will have all my thoughts focus on me... and only me ... and this will intensify my anxiety.
and heyy.... 5 minutes ago i received a text from my ex-primary schoolmate which i haven't met for a long time eventhough we live in the same area..she invited me to come over to her house for catching up on each other session...mmmm interesting huh ?.. & i am looking forward to meet her too and this causes my anxiety level up again.... yeahh, sometimes excitement and uncommon event in my life makes me nervous and sometimes panic could hits me. My mind started running wild, excitements and unfamiliar situation are able to cause my heart beats faster and my breathing faster... these two factors can lead to panic attack, if provided on that particular situation i am not strong enough physically and mentally to fight those bad thoughts and phobias. One thing i can do to ease bad thoughts and negative thinking away from my mind is to ask someone i'm comfortable with to accompany me into that unfamiliar situation... having that person as a companionship can focus down my bad thoughts to her/him rather than going alone ..because by going alone i have me by myself, i will have all my thoughts focus on me... and only me ... and this will intensify my anxiety.
Sunday, 20 September 2009
A Little bit of ThiS & tHat .... and taDaaaa..!
Bismillahirahmanirahim.....
Ketupat ..check...rendang..check.......kuah kacang check....kuah lodeh... mmm tomorrow morning there's enough time to prepare.. cookies... check...duit raya ...check... So far my Hari Raya Aidilfitri (Eid Mubarak) preparation seems to be as planned. Yeay..!. Me and my family will be heading to Negeri Sembilan and Johor this morning to visit beloved Atok, aunties, uncles and cousins...being with them is always the thing that i am happily looking forward to do...however, the sad part is, this is first Aidilfitri without the man of my life. I miss him dearly since he passed away... Al-fatihah...may his soul be blessed by the Almighty.
Enough about Hari Raya... Lets focus on this blog's main agenda... and today i would like tell a little bit about me and my generalized anxiety disorder.
My personality before i was diagnozed: I have low self esteem... a quiet person, always keep to my self, less feelings, slow reaction, not to forget sleeping is my favourite past time, procrastination and can easily became very anxious in situation that i don't like to be involve in... such as presentation, interview, being around guys as i will feel uncomfortable, high place like inside cable car and the list goes on...
but my anxieties are always under control and bearable....
UNTIL... on one fine day that i've experienced difficulties in breathing, extreme fear and confusion, feelings that i'm gonna die, rapid heartbeat and shaking profusely... yeah this it's what we call panic attacks ! and this first episode of my panic attacks at the age of 21 triggers the beginning of my session with psychiatrist.
My biological contribution factor: Firstly I have PCOS (Please Google it yourself for details if you really want to know what it is... there's not enough room for me the explain the details about pcos..) and hormon imbalance which makes me easily feeling stress (This fact i obtained through my readings... ). Secondly, my psychiatrist told me that anxiety disorder can run in family... and that's true because my mother did have the same problem but not as bad as mine...but luckily my sister didn't have it, she's totally opposite of me, so i created my own theory on how did i inherited this ailment but not my sister.. its because i'm the first child, thus my mother's anxiety level during pregnancy is greater...
During a session with my psychiatrist, she had explained people that suffering from anxiety disorder and depression have brain chemical imbalance called serotonin as well as other substances that my ears failed to catch the medical terms or the words she's telling me and i don't even know how to pronounce it (so please fogive me ) , therefore i've dedicated this link for more information : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalized_anxiety_disorder
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