what if i am an extrovert

I was born introvert…always keep things to my self and it’s hard for me to express my real feeling….

Not so long time ago…you can’t hardly see me cry, laugh out loud, get angry, enthusiastic with things happened around me, socializing, screaming & yelling.

As days goes by… as things in my life changes ….as I gone through rough patches in my life … I became more aware of who I am….more aware on what I felt in my heart…I’ve noticed connection between my body and soul, felt it, realized it and able to defined it as well as to describe it… yeah..like body and soul searching you may say…

Last time when I’m scared to death I can easily get panic attack…but now, when the extreme event happen in my life…I will noticed the feeling and try to find ways to released it somewhere other than being depressed or panicked. So what did I do? I cry, express my feeling through writing or talking to someone you trust and of course not to forget exercise to pump up my endorphin level in my body.

As I apply this into my life more often and sharpen the skills, gradually I began to notice that I actually can express my feeling easily, can blurt out what’s on my mind effortlessly, bored when I’m alone, love to hang out with friends and families, more enthusiast towards life, started to open my mouth in meetings, become more humorous (thanks to my crazy cousins, aunties, uncles & sis for this humor thingy, i've learnt it from you guys) and i've learnt to love & appreciate God's gift more than usual.

I think I’ve develop some extrovert traits in me… am i? or can I just say I become ambivert – half extrovert & half introvert?

Pengalaman di Pantai Remis Jeram Selangor

Geng-gengku yang ni memang kaki jalan-jalan cari makan....especially makanan dari sumber laut....pernah dolu-dolu (ni kisah flashback ye), 1st time aku join mereka mengembara mencari makanan laut atau name glemernya seafood, kami plan nak pi makanla kat sungai hj doraini....agak jauh jugak la perjalanan, penat dok dalam kete hampir tiga jam....tp kami dikecewakan sebab restoran tu tak bukak siang2 buta tapi malam je.... akibat kekecewaan yang melanda hati...kami dengan muke toyanye melarikan diri lepas mengorder air disitu ... so untuk mengobat duka dihati kami pon pi tengok sawah & tali air yang indah permai....agak perakla (bukan negeri perak) especially ade la 2 org budak KL tu, macam tu la 1st time derang ni tengok sawah (hahah ..aku le tu)... setelah puas berposing2 di tepian sawah, dalam perjalanan balik kami secara tak sengaja (setelah meng interview dgn org2 sekitar situ) terpergi satu restoran makanan laut dekat Kuala Selangor... tp lupe la name restoran ni (ampun ya)... restoran chinese seafood yang terletak di tepi sungai...kami pon mencuba nasib makan disitu....dan terbukti sungguh lah best ! especially butter milk crab...first class..!!! dan sejak dari hari malang yang tak sengaja bertukar best itu , restoran itu telah menjadi destinasi wajib kami di kala mengidam nak makan ketam masak butter milk...
amaran: statementku ini bukan nak memburuk-burukkan restoran kat hj doraini tu...cuma sebagai peringatan di masa akan datang, kawanku kate sedap & murah sebenarnya restoran tu tapi masalahnya kami tersalah timing

dan semalam... buat kesekian kalinya ...kami memulakan kembara mencari seafood, kali ni destinasinya Pantai Remis, Jeram, Selangor...tempat ni telah dipromosikan oleh kawanku yang baru saje pergi makan di sana 2 minggu lepas .... sesampai je ..kami berjalan2 dulu disekitar gerai menjual segala jenis macam kerang, kepah, lokan dan ade juge siput sedut as well as belangkas...yang smuanya masih hidup dan aktif-aktif belaka..... dan ade diantaranya (kebanyakannya) adalah spesis yang pertama kali pernah ku jumpe..contohnya mentarang (or mengkarang ? slalu fail bab2 nak menghafal name kerang ni), kingji (kerrr kiji ha ? tak tau la nak spell camane....yang ni spesis kerang yg suka main pancut2 air), ala2 (kalo bukan bahase baku ejaannye ale-ale) dan remis (haaa yang ni diambil sempena pantai remis ni...or vice versa...spesis yang punya kulit kerang yg paling berseni yang pernah ku jumpa)... setelah penat belajar spesis kerang....kami pon jalan2 tepi pantai...aku suke pantai ni sebab boleh tengok matahari terbenam di horizon mengadap laut ...cantik sangat....lepas tu kami pon mengisi perut yang lapar di medan selera berdekatan dengan pantai...makanannya not bad dan fresh2..murah pon murah RM68 untuk 4 orang....bagi orang yang suka makan makanan laut berperisa kemelayuan memang dicadangkan anda mencube di Pantai Remis..

kesimpulannya ....destinasi kali ni pasti akan ku kunjungi lagi.... (mmmm......rase macam nak bawak famili pulak makan kat situ)

Mad then happy…. now just wait and see

3 days ago my friend called; due to Bangkok’s unstable condition right now…she wanted to look for other option …I already bought my flight ticket and also have deposited tour package for all of us. How could she cancel the trip?!! I cannot go alone with Mastura….
Following my emotion, at first I’m quite mad for her decision, however I didn’t express it in front of her; only in my heart (I’m not good at expressing my deep down feelings to others…. Honestly, I always had trouble expressing my feelings…I’m afraid I’ll hurt others if I do that) and after a while my mind started controlling my emotion again, I just thought well it is her right for her own safety precaution, by the way she’ll getting married in June !!

Yesterday, she called…and wanted to buy the flight ticket to Bangkok…yippee…..I’m happy…however, I remain acting like nothing had happened…calmly I told her my flight details….

I pray for Bangkok condition will get better soon…peaceful as always….
Now we’ll wait and see….

FaTiGuE

I woke up today at 8:10 am…already late for work and feeling groggy for unknown reason even though with 5 hours sleep, the tiredness has not recovered. Nevertheless,

I took bath and get ready to work, arrived at office at almost 9 a.m. ….half and hour late..!! Luckily as usual nobody bothers. Ha ha !

The fatigue continues even after I took my breakfast - ‘biskut cecah milo’ (yummy). Why…? Why ? I wonder….why it didn’t go away? My eye strained more than usual when I tried to concentrate on my work and the fatigue get even worse…

Felt tired while walking, felt tired while sitting, felt tired while talking, felt even more tired while thinking.

I noticed yesterday my legs swollen a bit, looks like water retention... My right feet felt pain near the ankle, the pain already there for a month. And it has been almost a week that my right abdomen sometimes feels tightness.

I wanted to get medical leave, badly. I wanted to do medical checkup immediately... I wanted to know what exactly cause this fatigue. I don’t think what we’ve done at JB, Singapore and Muar causes this, I’ve done more rigorous things than this without feeling this awfully tired….

Note: this entry does relate with my previous entry… it is different kind of tired though, last week most of my time spent at home entertaining relatives (cooking...cooking and cooking ...i made a yummy assam pedas) and at pwtc (the mall) booking for my trip to Bangkok....but this week most of my time i spent outside the house...danga bay, relative houses, karaoke (twice to be exact), tanjung pagar, singapore flyers, suntec city, pasir ris, upper changi, restoran makanan laut kampung chai chee, parit keroma, sungai abong etc etc....

Note note : A fast relieve to fatigue for me is doing deep breathing, take a bath (if at home..), smell something like ointment ....eat..!!...but this time around it doesn't last long the tiredness kept coming back ....:(

'Terus tak ade mood......' :(

#%&^#%@#^@ !!!! Menyampah je dengan IE kat ofis ni….tadi dah 2 paragraph dah aku taip untuk entri pagi ni….nak cerita pasal kepenatanku dr hujung minggu lalu sampai harini yang tak hilang2, tapi lepas aku click save now terus blank page yang keluar kat monitor….. geram memang aku geram…..GERAM GERAM !!

Dah la bukannye senang nak dapat mood nak tulis kat blog ni…..Tapi bila mood datang banyak pulak dugaan teknikal yang menjelma….. haish… (sabar…sabar…tenang…tenang…dugaan tu Allah nak bagi sebagai balasan mem’blog’ kat ofis tu….. gi ofis buat kerja bukan mem’blog’ )

Nanti la InsyaAllah kalau malam ni ada masa nak mem’blog’ , I’ll post my story about my tiring weekend .....