Showing posts with label panic attack. Show all posts
Showing posts with label panic attack. Show all posts

Thursday, 3 July 2014

This is me... having anxiety attack :'(

Had a stressful day today.....
Missed my sahur today...
work late till 730pm...
gastrick attack...to add on..
and bang....!!!
suddenly this happen to me...
stop by the shopss....
dunno what to do.....huhu....
and suddenly i googled.....
and copy paste this article i found....
so much related of what i'm having now....

Troubled by Fear of Driving?

Fear of driving is a common and troubling problem, but it's a problem you can solve. The first step is to identify the specific nature of your driving fear.

Fear of Panic Attacks

People who experience panic attacks are often afraid of having one at the wheel. They're licensed to drive and generally have a good driving record. They probably drove without any problems, maybe for years, until they started having panic attacks, and then they became afraid.Their fear isn't really about driving. It's about panic attacks while driving. They worry that they won't drive safely during a panic attack, and that they won't be able to flee the scene as quickly as they want.

How They Drive

They often still do some driving, by limiting where and when they drive. They avoid highways. They stay in the right lane, where it's easier to pull off the road. They avoid bridges, tunnels, and any other road conditions which limit their ability to leave the scene as quickly as they wish, in the event of a panic attack. They avoid left turns, unless there's a traffic signal with a turn arrow, because they fear getting "trapped" in the intersection. They avoid driving at rush hour.They also use distraction and various safety objects. They may sing, or call people on their cell phones, to distract themselves from the thoughts of a panic attack. They may drink from a water bottle, and feel reassured by this. They may only drive when accompanied by a "safe" person.

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Sukar menelan..???

Bila diwaktu-waktu stress dan bila diwaktu waktu anxiety menjelma .....
antara kesan dan akibat pada tubuh badanku adalah saluran pencernaan atau lebih spesifik esofogusku akan mengecut atau menyempit...
bila perkara ini ter jadi saya agak sukar untuk menelan makanan....

zaman purbakala saya dolu-doulu....saya agak terre menelan ubat-ubat pill dan kapsul kapsul yang gabak....
tapi semasa saya dizaman stress melampau akibat putus cinta dolu-dolu.....
saya tersedar yang saya selama beberapa bulan itu sangat sukar menelan ubat dan makanan.....
dan saya selalu sangat tersedak dan tercekik ubat dizaman itu.....
sejak dari zaman itu saya mula fobia menelan pil dan kapsul.....
dan saya mula hanya makan pil dan kapsul dengan menggigitnya dahulu...
yer....ia memang sangat pahit dan meloyakan tekak....tapi saya terpaksa tahan dan sabar dengan rasa tak best tu buat sementara waktu....

korang pernah dengar cerita tak....seseorang apaabila terkena stress atau takut  yang melampau ataupun panik yang melampau sampai boleh muntah-muntah....
itu salah atu simtom di mana saluran percernaan menyempit pabila manusia stress atau takut.....sebab masa tu badan manusia tengah membuat persiapan untuk situasi 'fight or flight'


sekian....pelajaran kita pada hari ni .. :)'


Just sharing....

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Macamana Saya Boleh Jadi Seorang Gayat ?

Kalau nak tau saya asalnya bukan seorang yang gayat...
Dulu-dulu sebelum saya kenal penyakit Generalized Anxiety Disorder...
Saya Okay je pun ...kalau naik tangga tinggi-tinggi pastu pandang kat bawah...
Drive kat flyover ...dan yang sewaktu dengannya....

Tapi selepas beberapa episod anxiety dan panic attack yang bertubi-tubi datang selepas umo saya 21 tahum...
Sedikit-demi sedikit perasaan gayat itu muncul....
Saya cuma sedar yang saya gayat ni selepas saya pandai control episod panic attack saya tu...
(seksa ok nak control perasaan ni..... nak ajar otakku untuk control minda yang tengah kusut masai & celaru bila kena anxiety @ panic attack)
Yaa.... saya perasaan yang keadaan anxiety dan panic saya menjadi lebih spesific kepada sesetengah situasi...
itu yang dapat saya pelajari.. mungkin sebab dah lama penyakit ni saya ada... so saya dah dapat identified..
oleh itu dah banyak yang saya pelajari mengenai penyakit ini.... both through experience, readings and of course from my psychiatrist...

camana saya boleh gayat ni?
trauma terkena panic attack masih ada dalam diri saya...
cuma bila berada di tempat tinggi dan agak sempit jer yg menyebabkan saya terasa terlebih panic...rasa macam nak pengsan...itulah sekarang ni saya kalau boleh memang nak elak tempat-tempat begini....
sebabnya kan....bila kita panic tu kita tak sedar sangat perbuatan kita tu...kita cuma dihantui oleh rasa takut yg amat...
selalunya bila kena panic attack saya akan lari atau keluar dari tempat di mana saya sedang duduk untuk mencuba mencari tempat yg boleh buat saya lebih relax...
saya selalu terbayang bila saya ditempat tinggi dan tiba-tiba panic attack yang teruk menyerang saya takut saya 'ter'lari ke tempat yang tak sepatutnya saya lari cthnya tingkap ataupun jurang.... huhuuhuuuuu....itu lah dia kenapa saya tetibe boleh jadik gayattt.......

its so funny ...bila saya fikirkan balik (ketika otak saya berfungsi dengan baik laaa) camana laaa saya boleh terfikir begitu....
tapi nak buat camana...inilah keadaan yang patut saya terima...




Just sharing....

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Jangan sedih-sedih gi bangun carik daun kelapa...

Pagi tadi adik dah di ambil oleh lakinya pergi ke Ipoh...
So sekarang tinggal saya ber2 jer ngan mak.....
Sedih...oh memang sedih....
Raya plak nanti tinggal ber2 gak ke ?? Oh saya pon tak pasti lagi camana raya nanti...

Baru jer nak bangkit balik setelah arwah abah takde...
pastu adek pulak kena pergi jauh....huhu
dua-dua orang ini memang tiang kuat dalam famili ni....
depa dua ni kebal sikit ..
memang harapan kami sefamili...

sebab arwah abah ngan adek kalau bab-bab nak driving jauh2 balik muar ker balik JB ker diarang ni memang tererr...
nak harapkan aku...? fuuh..... berada di belakang stereng pon bagiku sudah stress ini kan pulak nak drive jauh...?

lebih-lebih lagi nak drive jauh2 ber2 je dengan emak saya yang juga ada anxiety macam saya...??
lagi laa saya trauma....trauma sebab ia boleh mengingatkan saya pada episode2 panic attack yang lalu..
kalau ada sesapa yang kebal jugak contohnya macam sepupu-sepupu lelaki saya temankan kami ber2....
komfiden la sikit kalau nak bagi saya drive...huhu..... at least saya ada backup dan dapat semangat dari orang ketiga itu....
tapi kalau ber2 jer....saya memang surrender ....drive dekat2 jer boleh laaa.....

dan masalah ini insyaAllah saya mau selesaikan pada suatu hari nanti....
tapi saya perlu berdikit2 x bleh men terjah aja....
mungkin drive ke nilai dulu ker.....???

Okeh...sekian.....
saya nak gi carik daun kelapa nak buat ketupat....
raya tetap diteruskan.....



Just sharing....

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Cerita Ahad lepas...

Alkisah pada hari Ahad lepas bersamaan 5 june 2011..
Ada 2 undangan kenduri satu di rawang dan satu di gombak...
Aku pergi ber2 saja dgn emak..
Ntah apa dari pagi Ahad tu anxiety mula menyerang ..
Rasa takut je nak drive ke highway Rawang tu..
Sebab saya memang tak brapa suke drrive di highway..especially yg banyak kereta laju-laju
lebih2 lagi apabila hanya ditemani emak yg mmg tak pndai drive dan x punye kuat semangat
Tapi perasaan takut ku biarkan saja...
sebab agak kalut menguruskan hal-hal sampingan sebelum meninggalkan rumah...
sehingga lupa nak hilangkan rasa & pemikiran takut tu dulu sebelum memulakan perjalanan...
bile aku mula drive perasaan takut mula bertambah...
bila masuk highway lagi la bertambah takut...
aku cadang mahu berhenti di salah satu RnR untuk rehatkn diri dan cuba hilangkan rasa takut guna self therapy..
tapi malangnya tak jumpa2 1 RnR pon...
aku bertambah stress bila tak jumpe RnR...
apabila stress menggunung dan perasaan takut melangit.... aku mula panik...
jantung brdegup laju, badan menggigil, tgn berpeluh dan mula hilang fokus..
kereta yg ku drive makin ketepi masuk ke lorong kecemasan dan aku drive agak perlahan dr biase..
bila trjadinya panik lebih2 lagi dlm keadaan yg membahayakan nyawa... aku harus mncari jln pntas utuk kurangkan panik attack...
lantas ku telan xanax 0.25mg begitu saja...
prlahan 2 aku kmbali tenang dan berani ku dtg kembali....
dengan berdesuupnya aku bawak kereta kerana mahu cepat sampai ke destinasi...


Just sharing....

Monday, 18 April 2011

Still Have Panic Attack Trauma...

Yeah i know i'm not pretty....

Even though it has been a while that i didn't have a full blown of panic attack (Alhamdulillah), sometimes ...well most of the time to be exact, i still traumatizing of having it. Especially during times that i know there's nowhere for me to escape from people seeing me panic attacking...such as during a boat ride...
On the third day of my trip to KK...
We did Island Hopping to Pulau Manukan and Pulau Mamutik....
Maybe with the help of Lexapro i felt less anxious....
But still, in the middle of the journey i felt i'm on the bridge of having an episode and quickly i did the relaxation technique ..deep breathing....
Alhamdulillah, everything went well...my trip to KK was a blast...!!!!


Just sharing....

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

An Episode @ 13 Floor

I can still remember...when i was a young girl...my aunt and her family rented one unit of condominium (at that time we called it flat) at 19th floor... when we came to visit them, my mom usually won't go upstairs and waited for us in the car... i always find it weird when my mom did that.....Luckily, they only rented the house for about 5 months and then move into a terrace house...

I also wonder during my mom working days (now that she is retired) why she always switched workplace once the department moved to a high rise building even though she loved working in that department....
Now that i'm older and wiser i found the answer of my mom weird behavior....its acrophobia or fear of heights...

Ironically, when i grew i older and after i was diagnosed of having anxiety disorder and panic attack...
i slowly developed acrophobia symptoms as well as claustrophobia and of course aerophobia...

My recent episode was when i'm in Malacca, i stayed at 13 th floor ....usually 13th floor was not a problem to me...
but i don't know somehow i developed panic attack just before i fell asleep....maybe it was due to stress i'm having on that week....yeah stress can trigger phobias and panic attack..... before i started to panic, my mind was racing through memories about my mom's problem with height.... my mind tried to imagine how would that be in her shoes on that time ....i don't know why i'm thinking of these things on that night....may be it was due to my stressed mind or my mental illness ?? huhu...

However, i successfully embrace and accept my panic attack episode without the help of medication....
i followed tips i read at Anxieties.com and it helps a lot......

Just sharing....

Saturday, 16 October 2010

Panic Attack - Summary

A panic attack is a sudden rush of uncomfortable physical symptoms coupled with thoughts of impending doom (making a scene, heart attack, not being able to breathe). Although the first panic attack may take place in a distinct situation, further episodes are unpredictableas to time or place.One or more uncomfortable physical symptoms will be present in a severe form during an actual panic attack, such as increased heart rate, dizziness or lightheadedness, shortness of breath, inability to concentrate, and confusion.

After a number of panic episodes, the individual can become afraid of being a helpless victim of panic. He or she may hesitate to be alone, to venture far from home, or to be in public places. Even when not experiencing an anxiety attack, the person with panic attacks often becomes increasingly nervous and apprehensive. He or she attempts to remain physically and psychologically tense in preparation for the next attack.


by Anxieties.com

Just sharing....

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Mengah Mengih Menguh

Dah lama tak berjogging...mmm jogging la sangat kan....satu pusingan taman tu pun tak abes khatam jogging lagi....selalunya jogging 15 minit je yang selebihnya berjalan lenggang kangkung...tapi ok la tu dari tak jogging langsung....

Hari ni lepas kerja pergi jogging sorang-sorang,
Setelah 2 bulan berpantang, baru harini berkesempatan pergi berjogging,
Iyo lah kan dalam bulan puasa dan raya kenalah berpantang dari buat bende2 camni....
Hari ni untuk melepaskan gian...pkul 5:40 PM sharp dah kluar dari office...
Sampai je kat rumah....Cepat-cepat tukar baju ...pakai sport shoes.... tapi apsal rasa macam longgar je sport shoes ni...pelik gak ni...

Sampai kat taman....jalan2 dulu dengan speed yang agak sederhana laju....kasi warm up dulu badan...
Huh...baru 15 minit warm up dah rasa mengah....
Lepas warm up ....baru mula jogging....tapi pergh.... baru 100 meter je dah mengah mengih menguh.....
Rasa susahnye nak bernafas.... pastu tetibe banyak angin dalam perut....lagi la rasa susah nak nafas....
Haaa.....mula la rasa nak panik kan....

Cuba memfokuskan diri kat benda lain....karang dilayan rasa panik tu makin teruk jadiknye....
Air sungai yg jernih mengalir sepoi2 bahasa telah menjadi mangsa fokusku...
Sungai tu tak besar mana pun....dengan satu lompatan je dah boleh pergi seberang....
Aku duduk di atas batu tepi sungai tu.....menikmati suasana damai di situ... ahhh syoknya...
Aku tadah air sungai ke dalam tangan...wah sejuknya....

Panik ku dah hilang....terima kasih untuk anak sungai yang jernih.....
Ku teruskan perjalanan....
Tak mau jogging ....cukuplah tu setakat hari ni....hehhhehe...
Esok kan ku cuba lagi....


Just sharing....

Saturday, 7 August 2010

Xanax Withdrawal

Yeah ...its time to conquer the Xanax withdrawal symptoms yet again..
after 5 tabs of 0.5 mg and 2 tabs of 0.25 mg in between 7 days to help me through my 'holidays' anxieties ...

It was with prescription but not by psychiatrist, before i took the flight to Singapore i went to a family clinic nearby my house which is the second place i would go to sought for help in case if i'm unable to see a psychiatrist. I just explained the problem and the doctor after revising my previous visits with not much hesitation prescribed me 10 tabs of 0.5 mg..

Relatively the dosage I've taken is not too high however from my previous experience it's always been a tough time to deal with the withdrawal symptoms both physically and mentally. Usually, during this period of time i'm easily agitated,hypersensitive, depressed, having depersonalization feeling and became more panicky than Xanax-free period. I also experience hot/cold flashes, tingling, deep burning pain inside abdomen and palpitations.

The worst panic attacks i've ever dealt with was when i unintentionally abruptly stopped Xanax ...it was about 4-5 years ago which i've never heard of Xanax withdrawal symptoms at that point of time (and i thought i was in full of stress and having a rebound which was actually not..). The feeling of severe panic was like something has controlled and clouded my mind with full of fear ...and i've lost control of it . My whole body and organs inside abdomen felt like deep burning wanting to burst....Through this experience, I have learned my lesson not to stopped the medication abruptly...take a lower dose & frequency instead for few more days...

Now i'm more prepared ...more awareness....

if you'are interested to know further about Xanax withdrawal you can read THIS


Just sharing....

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

jeles...sejeles jelesnye

Mastura ajak pi white water rafting.....Madihah pon ajak juge....
Mastura ajak pi naik gajah....
Madihah ajak pi sky trex kat bukit cherakah...
Elfi ajak gi Universal Studio ... Universal Studio ni ok lagi kot....tak de la extreme sangat....
Bulan 4 next year plak nak gi KK...KK ade canopy walk....derang tak ajak lagi buat canopy walk..... harap2 derang tak tau la pasal ade canopy walk kat KK.....kalo derang tau confirm derang nak pegi situ.......kalo camtu aku yg haru...

TAPIII....aku ni memang azalinya seorang yang penakut....bermacam2 phobia aku ade....
karang nanti buat benda2 extreme ni tetibe panic attack aku menjelma camane ?
Tak ker menyusahkan korang.....tak ke aku akan menjadi pain in the ass korang....
Naik kapal terbang & singapore flyers pon aku takut sbb aku dah anggap macam suicide mission...
inikan pulak nak buat bende2 extreme cenggitu..

TAPIII jauh dilubuk hatiku.....memang naaakkkkk ssseeesssaaannnggggaaatttt buat mende2 tu.....
teruja dan excited.....!!! bile dengaar korang cerita....
tapi trauma akibat anxiety & panic disorder aku ni belom hilang sepenuhnya lagi....
bile la nak hilang ni ?........sedeyyy....

Just sharing....

Friday, 23 July 2010

Bipolar Disorder ?

Or some may refer it as manic depressive disorder (if i'm not mistaken la..)
Do i have it ? I don't know..
but i suspect i'm having it right now...
it's been quite a long while that i think i have it without any concrete diagnose from a psychiatrist..
it has go on about 5 months...
Why i thought so ?

In the morning
i will always felt sad as consequences of my active mind that always thought of sad and worrying things out of almost everything...!!!
even a tiny mini things i'm able to exaggerated until eventually became a sad and depressive thing (sometimes until i cried for real to help me to get rid of my thoughts)...
like today i have a stomachache and felt a little discomfort, starting from that point, my mind started to fear of having stomach internal bleeding similar with my father who have died from organ failure due to internal bleeding that originate from his stomach as effect from his brain tumor ...etc.etc mental illness...family,love etc..etc...being single...etc...etc..and the thoughts goes on and on...like Alice in Wonderland ..u know..
i'm unable to focus on work.... the most is ten minutes...then thinking for 20 minutes..then work again...then thinking again....
because of my work surroundings require most of my time in front pc (and yeahhh....i'm a programmer so i also do my thinking about work in front of pc).....nobody ever notice my problem, they thought i'm in the midst of solving my work related problem...(or may be i'm good at masking my sadness, hiding my feelings and swept away problems ??? Ouh ...and one of my fastest way to escape from my own depressive mind is to talk with my colleagues however work plus bosses prevent me to do so )

in the afternoon
my mind became more stabilize... have more focus on work.... sometimes too much focus until i cant' put my hand down from my keyboard...become more active compared to the morning...more OK and a bit joyful through the night

and lately...
the stressfulness have increase 3-6 piles as i approach next week...i have Mandarin exam, a trip to singapore and krabi (fyi, i have fear of height, flying, sometimes claustrophobia and fear of having panic attack ) and renew road-tax...with all of this i need Xanax badly but i'm unable to get new stocks ... try to called Dr. Kasmini a few times but cannot get her connected... try Dr Barathi but she's no longer at Apollo TTDI... and heyyyy.... we only have 65 psychiatrist in Malaysia..!!

and one more crucial facts i noticed...
if i sleep only 2-3 hours...the whole day i'll be sleepy at office BUT i'm more relax with less thinking and worrisome in comparison with having slept for 6-7 hours....why is that so?

Do i have Bipolar Disorder ? Just wondering or maybe worrying......

And i cried reading this article today, it remind me that i'm one of 'it' :(


Just sharing....

Thursday, 15 July 2010

A visit to Cameron Highland






9-11 July 2010
its a nice trip with my close friends together with baby Azra (Ijan's daughter)....
we stay at Puncak Arabella in a cozy 3 rooms apartment
we went to Boh tea plantation, butterfly farm, cactus cottage, Rajoo strawberry farm, Kea Farm and Bharat tea plantation.
i like the strawberry waffle at Rajoo Strawberry farm very much....so yummy....
We ate and cooked a lot of vegetables during our stay because of the cheap price...Rm 10 for 10 packets of veggies that we bought from the same stall for our 3 days in a row until the girl recognised my face as 'kakak cantik'....:P
We ate a lot of Jagung too..
we stucked in 2 hour jam for a 2 km journey from Kea farm to Pasar Malam Brinchang on Saturday night and 1.5 hour from Tanah Rata to Kea Farm on Sunday Morning
Teput wanted to eat durian musang king so much that we bought 2 of them for RM88 (RM22/kg)..the verdict: yummy but a little bitter, the seeds was so small..only by eating 2 piece of it makes me full and bloated..
Shared my 2nd day lunch with Dee @ Al-Ghazali.... i like...
Shared umbrella with Dee to buy Cendawan and sayur goreng @ pasar malam during heavy pouring rain... wet..wet...wet...
In average the weather @ Cameron during our stay was 19 degree Celcius
Took 2 paracetemol for my headache that might be caused by my anxiety...
For the 1st time in my life i rode a car from Cameron to Tapah....Goshhhh.... what a terrible experience....
Almost had a full blown panic attack on the way back near Ulu Bernam-> Bukit Beruntung exit... in Teput & husband' Kia Sorento...actually during that time i felt tired and tried to sleep...but failed because my mind started to think nonsense (which remind me of my previous panic attack in a car trip), the silentness and boringness situation increased my brain activity...luckily i manage to calm down on my own without Xanax by positive thinking (i told my self i am almost at home)...if you want to know , during that episode i felt like wanting to ask the driver to pullover and jumpout from the car because i felt sooo claustrophobic...
Went to eat Mee Gulam before Teput send me home...

Its an enjoyable trip...but somehow i felt numb at times trying to fight my anxieties



Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Relapse

i think i'm having a relapse....
have had expected this...bcoz supposedly i need to take lexapro for 12 months but i only took it for a month (nov-dec 2009)...
now my anxiety have sky rocketed...my depression have kicked in....my emotion went roller coaster...
the main culprit is the krabi trip.. nervous already breakdown...fear of flying...fear of going out from my comfort zone.....aaarrrggghhhh.....need to make appointment with doc right away...

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

So far so good


Having anxiety disorder makes me afraid of driving alone, especially when I had couples of episode of panic attack while driving 2-5 years back. After the incidents I rarely sat behind the driver seat even though I have a valid driving license and totally depend on my late father or my sister to take me to and from office & anywhere that I wished to go. I only took on the wheels to the nearby and very (i repeat very) familiar places around my residential area, which makes me gradually, lost some of my 'route' senses in the Klang Valley.


However now, it has been 2 years since I begin to build up courage to drive again, which started after I accepted a work offer by my current employer located just about 20 minutes drive from my house. This gave me no reason to ask for my late father or sister assistance to drive me to work, so (by hook or by crook) I have to drive myself alone almost everyday. On the first 3 months I had a few episodes of anxiety attacks while driving, however I managed to control it and keep on moving…. Yeeehaaaa…


And today for the first time, I unbelievably, drove alone to my friend’s house at Kota Kemuning Klang, which had surprised my friend with this achievement. She always had the thought that I am afraid to drive alone to Klang because I had previous record of losing directions in Klang even though I had somebody to escort me…He he….and not to forget, last month I managed to drive alone to Rawang, also to a friend’s house.


I realized that fear can be erased gradually with encouragement given by you or someone else to yourself. My encouragement comes when I realized that I don’t have my father around with me anymore to be my ‘driver’ and sooner or later my other ‘driver’, my sister will get married and stayed far away from us. Therefore I need NOT to be afraid anymore no matter what.


However I still have ‘phobias’ while driving on a flyover or a bridge that is too high above the sky, kind of makes me dizzy driving on the ‘high’way. Will try my hardest to counter the fear….wish me luck…!!! ...mmmm.. on a second thought, unless if i have a new 'driver' then i will not work hard to diminish my fear...hehehe....who wants to be my 'driver' for free ??? Any taker..?

Monday, 19 October 2009

How To Help Someone Suffering An Anxiety Disorder

This is very useful article if you encounter someone having a panick or anxiety attack, obtained from Getting To Know Anxiety http://www.backfrominsanity.com/. When i first read this article, it really does reflect what type of support i need during the episode of panic attack.... all i just wanted is a space where i can fight the feelings but at the same time i know there's someone i trust is there and knows i'm having an episode.... there are maybe some words of encouragement that i can tolerate which are 'Everything will be fine, it's only panic attack', 'hanging there, focus that you will be fine' and 'Allah always be with you', however it depends on the severity of the attack...at some time (the worst ever episode especially when i forgot to bring my prescription drug from Doctor or when the attack occurs due to drugs withdrawal effect) even a single noise will make me more disturbed.

Here it goes........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we go through this information, I want you to understand that this section is of
importance to those trying to help another person who is experiencing, or dealing with,
Anxiety on a daily basis. How you provide support to them may help them to control
their Anxiety to some degree.

First thing is first. NEVER belittle or try to downplay someone's Anxiety Disorder.
This is a REAL disorder and should be respected as such. Don't just dismiss their
episode as a one time event, or try and 'solve' their problem through rationalization.
You have to understand that when a person is actually going through an Anxiety attack
rationality is not something they are concentrating on. Or listening to. This is an
extremely frightening experience and no matter how much you'd want to, you CANNOT
MAKE THIS EXPERIENCE GO AWAY. Only the individual who is HAVING the
attack has the power to do this. Not YOU.

The absolute WORST thing you can do is to act as if they are LYING or ACTING to
get attention. This is simply not the case. While you may BELIEVE this to be true
because you have never yourself experienced the unrelenting terror of an Anxiety
attack, that doesn't mean that it isn't happening to someone you care about.
Imagine for a second that you had witnessed a "physical" accident that your loved one
or dear friend was a part of. Something you could SEE the outcome from. Wouldn't you
do everything in your power to help them?

What if they were trapped inside a car that was on fire? What if they were trapped
underwater and were drowning? You would want to aid them, wouldn't you? What if
they had stopped breathing? Would you just stand around watching them pass away? Or
would you do everything you could to administer CPR to them, even if you weren't sure
you were doing it correctly?

While the above examples are extreme, sometimes, to an Anxiety sufferer, it absolutely
feels like the end of their world. As if they are drowning in a sea of chaos and
disparity,unable to pull themselves out.

Also, by attempting to in effect ignore the Anxiety attack, you are probably contributing
to another disorder that goes hand in hand with Anxiety. . .Depression.
Instead of holding them down 'under water', try throwing them a life preserver the next
time they have an attack.

How can you do that? Just BE there for them. Let them know that while you may not
understand what they are going through, you are there for them and will stay until they
feel better.

Do NOT try and force someone out of an Anxiety attack. It could make the attack that
much worse for them. Just let the attack happen naturally, and in most, if not all, cases,
their bodies will help them come out of the 'hot' zone all on it's own. And if it doesn't,
get them to the nearest emergency room as soon as you can. Or call an emergency squad
to take them.

Also, NEVER try and give someone suffering from an Anxiety attack any type of
prescription drugs that have not been prescribed by their family physician. Seems like
common sense, but when you see a loved one going through such a painful event, you
really want to help them. Believe me, THIS WILL NOT HELP THEM. Getting them
to a professional source, such as an emergency room or their own family physician, for
help WILL.

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NOTEs:

As Malaysian... do you think this article is more useful if it is in Bahasa Melayu ? Because I think there's not much article related to mental illness which were written in Malay except in local newspapers...

Do you think that our Malaysian society is lack of information about mental illness, because they are scared of stigma related to it such as people who has mental illness are regarded as being insane or crazy ?

please response to my email mymentalhealth.blog@gmail.com or leave you comment here....Thank You....

Thursday, 15 October 2009

Xanax 0.5mg cut into half

A day full of ... hmmm...mood swing ? mind twisting ? ooorrr emotional madness? to be honest i'm not quite sure what type of day i had today.... one hour i'm overwhelmed with mind full of self-pity, self-criticizing and feelings of disappointment about everything that had happened in my life and also worrying about my blurred future, the thoughts was so real that makes me run into the toilet to let go off my feelings (crying , of course). Then, i found myself chit chatting and giggling with my colleagues. The next 2 hours after that i had my eyes sticked to the monitor with full concetration switching between work and internet. Then back again thinking of bad and depressing thoughts, missing my arwah Abah a lot and reminisced disputes i had with a 'best friend' and how much i hated what he has done to me but not to mention missing his present during the good old times despite my hatred towards him (however i still don't intend to contact him anymore.) And the cycle goes on and on until the end of the day, as i walk out from my office door the darkness of night surrounded me and suddenly FEAR creeping inside me....it's the sign of panic attack... while trying to contend my panic , i quickly went to Surau, thinking hard to find ways to avoid developing severe panic attack alone bcoz there's not many people working late at the office... my mind wanted to get help by calling someone who can understand my situation, however i ended up calling no one as not many person i knew may understand what i am dealing with.... they sometimes can even makes things worst for me (read: in my opinion people in Malaysia are still not well educated on how to deal with people having panic attacks)....i've tried techniques i've read to reduce panic attack ...yeahh....relaxation techniques and deep breathing...but failed the feeling kept coming back......I then felt confused and started to loose my reality every minutes.... as quick recovery and as a last resort.. i hesitantly popped into my mouth half of xanax 0.5mg.....as the feeling subsided... i safely arrived home with a guilt of taking Xanax because i've experienced how bad it is when you've become dependent with Xanax......

I think it's about time to make appoinment with Dr. Kasmini Kassim

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

When my mind become out of control, emotions went high and touch of reality fade away.....

I can't believe it ! I can blog from my office..?!! Ouh...Still taking some time to admit the fact that i can send my blog entri via my workplace..... Wow... am i happy..? Of course ! So now if i'm fasting or not going out during lunch instead of sleeping on my desk, i can go blogging... It's unbelievable actually knowing that our IT personnel didn't block this page because there are numbers of websites that are being block by them.... all email websites, facebook, friendster...and the list goes on......

As now i'm entering our office luchtime whilst fasting... i can spend my time to write today's entry.... and here it goes.....

Bismillahirahmanirahim...

When my mind become out of control, my emotions went high and my touch to reality fade away..... that's the feelings when the episode of mental breakdown occured to me. During episodes of panic attacks, anxiety went out of control, emotion going roller coaster and depression makes the big hit to the rock bottom. Sometimes (read: not all the time) when this scary moment happen in the office or anywhere else where i can't find somebody i trust to find comfort by expressing my inner feelings (read: in reality, it is difficult to find that somebody who understand what i'm going through during the episodes)....i will reach out for any medium that enable me to write my inner feelings ...and my easiest medium to reach out is my beloved handphone.

Here are some of my expression during my mental breakdown episodes that i've saved in my handphone, yeah i didn't delete the drafts.... just for future reference... and there's one i wrote using Microsoft Words in my office (obviously i forgot to bring my handphone on that day )

1. Date : 17 March 2009, Location: Office, Medium : Microsoft Words
'This is a story of me… on 17 March 2009…. A person who has generalized anxiety disorder, for about 8 year plus since first diagnosis… who has hormone imbalance which only can make me menstruate if I take hormone pills…. A person who sometimes suffers from depression in 1 hour and can be very happy 1 hour after that….. A person who had experience depression in her early life as a career woman and had the first panic attack when she finally becomes somebody’s girlfriend at the age of 21. And now on 17 March 2009 … the feeling of tense overwhelmed me thinking of…. Is there a good guy out there destined for me…? Who love me as I am...? I wrote this after a friend of me tell me about her problem… recently she become close to her ex-fiancée and wondering why suddenly this guy hitting on her again…. Then she kept receiving message from a girl… who claimed that she is getting married with her ex-fiancée on April!! I pity this poor lady because she is getting married with a guy who is still thinking of his ex-fiancée and not so sure about his feeling marrying her…. And I pity my friend because getting false hope from his ex-fiancée…. Why are guys always hurting girls feeling with his immature way of thinking and uncertainties? '

2. Date : 28 September 2009, Location : Office , Medium : My Handphone
'I need help badly ! I need to forget about something.. Everything bad that happened to my life in this year, I'm already exhausted keeping it to myself and i want out immediately! My office environment keeps the memories i want to forget or maybe the work environment that was not up to beat for me that make my mind have plenty of time think unthoughful thoughts and makes me remind of these bad feelings... Or maybe i'm just like this? Or I’m just too worried that my life turns out not as i expected how it should be like many of us here on earth ? '

3. Date : 18 September 2009, Location : Office, Medium : My Handphone
'I really need help ! i think my mental health is in problem so the effect of this mental things makes me tired physically.... i need urgent attention....urgent rectification....How do i make it go away ? Me, myself need always to think positive. There are help and cure for any ailments'

4. Date : 22 May 2009, Location : Office, Medium : My Handphone
'I don't want to eat Xanax but lately my condition is getting worst and worst ... i need help badly before i get burnout....Tekanan perasaan yang sungguh hebat ujian daripada Tuhan ke atas diriku... penyakit mental menyebabkan diriku mudah depress, panik dan fobia...sekarang ni takut pengsan je....jangan takut.... i'll be fine.... Allah ada.'

Wow.... when i read it back.... feel like i'm in total madness....... however i did survive through all the episodes.....I just need to be strong...... Thank You Allah for giving me strength..