Showing posts with label Anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anxiety. Show all posts

Sunday, 26 November 2017

Malindo Bites - inflight meal KL-Bandung

KL-Bandung Malindo return flight. Its my first time booking Malindo flight outside of Peninsula Malaysia route. Days before my scheduled flight, I kept wondering does Malindo serve meal during KL-Bandung flight? I really mean something besides cookies or cakes that usually serve in domestic flight.

I've googled around for some info but didn't find any.....huhu......for my type of person who always hungry during flight, kind of fustrating not finding any info about the 2 hours Malindo KL-Bandung inflight meal from google....it made me really anxious....haha

So I just wait till the day came  and planning to share in the internet what type of meal served in Malindo KL-Bandung route.....

Here it is.....
 I' m sooo relieved....

it's  a yummy pizza and yummy green muffin....munching them while watching Trolls inflight...fell in love with the green muffin eventhough don't know what made it green though....green tea perhaps?

Had to eat the yummy pizza with my bare hands...huhuhu.....a bit messy.....it will really help if they provide a plastic spoon or fork....or maybe a wet tissue to wipe off the sticky cheese from my hand...


and....uh haaa...the Malindo Bite price already included in your flight ticket....no need to pay extra for the meal......






Just sharing....

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Sukar menelan..???

Bila diwaktu-waktu stress dan bila diwaktu waktu anxiety menjelma .....
antara kesan dan akibat pada tubuh badanku adalah saluran pencernaan atau lebih spesifik esofogusku akan mengecut atau menyempit...
bila perkara ini ter jadi saya agak sukar untuk menelan makanan....

zaman purbakala saya dolu-doulu....saya agak terre menelan ubat-ubat pill dan kapsul kapsul yang gabak....
tapi semasa saya dizaman stress melampau akibat putus cinta dolu-dolu.....
saya tersedar yang saya selama beberapa bulan itu sangat sukar menelan ubat dan makanan.....
dan saya selalu sangat tersedak dan tercekik ubat dizaman itu.....
sejak dari zaman itu saya mula fobia menelan pil dan kapsul.....
dan saya mula hanya makan pil dan kapsul dengan menggigitnya dahulu...
yer....ia memang sangat pahit dan meloyakan tekak....tapi saya terpaksa tahan dan sabar dengan rasa tak best tu buat sementara waktu....

korang pernah dengar cerita tak....seseorang apaabila terkena stress atau takut  yang melampau ataupun panik yang melampau sampai boleh muntah-muntah....
itu salah atu simtom di mana saluran percernaan menyempit pabila manusia stress atau takut.....sebab masa tu badan manusia tengah membuat persiapan untuk situasi 'fight or flight'


sekian....pelajaran kita pada hari ni .. :)'


Just sharing....

Friday, 2 December 2011

Baru je ku sebut-sebut

Atok saya call...!!!! Selepas tak sampai 1 jam ku poskan entri Cucu Derhaka....
Kuat betul instinct atok ku itu.... heheee

antara topik perbualan kami meliputi kisah adikku yang akan berpindah rumah duduk bersama-sama dengan suaminya ke Sarawak dan kemudian ke Penang...
waduhaiii....tak sangka cepat masa berlalu.....minggu depan flight adikku akan ke Sarawak...
dan aku ditinggalkan berdua bersama emak....
dan atokku sempat memesan....jangan tinggal-tinggalkan mak selalu.....

tapi tok....pesanan atok ni ku rasa ku tak dapat memenuhi dengan sempurna......
sebabnya cucu kamu ni kaki jalan dan kaki tak reti duduk diam rumah.......
hari bekerja pon, bila balik umah...malam kaki ni gatal sangat nak keluar gi tengok wayang laa....window sopping laaa
boring ok.... ku kan jadi cacing kepanasan kalau dok dediam kat rumah selalu....bleh jadik sawan gamaknya....
mungkin kalau dapat dok umah baru tak sesawan camni kot.....ni rumah yang dah 30 tahun tinggal disitu....
aku rasa ku patut ikot nasihat si encik idzuan fitri nordin tu kot.....upah orang gaji full time.....so senang la aku nak kluar gi jalan-jalan huhuhu.....

hmmmm.. patut tukar topik anak derhaka la entri ni......


Just sharing....

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Macamana Saya Boleh Jadi Seorang Gayat ?

Kalau nak tau saya asalnya bukan seorang yang gayat...
Dulu-dulu sebelum saya kenal penyakit Generalized Anxiety Disorder...
Saya Okay je pun ...kalau naik tangga tinggi-tinggi pastu pandang kat bawah...
Drive kat flyover ...dan yang sewaktu dengannya....

Tapi selepas beberapa episod anxiety dan panic attack yang bertubi-tubi datang selepas umo saya 21 tahum...
Sedikit-demi sedikit perasaan gayat itu muncul....
Saya cuma sedar yang saya gayat ni selepas saya pandai control episod panic attack saya tu...
(seksa ok nak control perasaan ni..... nak ajar otakku untuk control minda yang tengah kusut masai & celaru bila kena anxiety @ panic attack)
Yaa.... saya perasaan yang keadaan anxiety dan panic saya menjadi lebih spesific kepada sesetengah situasi...
itu yang dapat saya pelajari.. mungkin sebab dah lama penyakit ni saya ada... so saya dah dapat identified..
oleh itu dah banyak yang saya pelajari mengenai penyakit ini.... both through experience, readings and of course from my psychiatrist...

camana saya boleh gayat ni?
trauma terkena panic attack masih ada dalam diri saya...
cuma bila berada di tempat tinggi dan agak sempit jer yg menyebabkan saya terasa terlebih panic...rasa macam nak pengsan...itulah sekarang ni saya kalau boleh memang nak elak tempat-tempat begini....
sebabnya kan....bila kita panic tu kita tak sedar sangat perbuatan kita tu...kita cuma dihantui oleh rasa takut yg amat...
selalunya bila kena panic attack saya akan lari atau keluar dari tempat di mana saya sedang duduk untuk mencuba mencari tempat yg boleh buat saya lebih relax...
saya selalu terbayang bila saya ditempat tinggi dan tiba-tiba panic attack yang teruk menyerang saya takut saya 'ter'lari ke tempat yang tak sepatutnya saya lari cthnya tingkap ataupun jurang.... huhuuhuuuuu....itu lah dia kenapa saya tetibe boleh jadik gayattt.......

its so funny ...bila saya fikirkan balik (ketika otak saya berfungsi dengan baik laaa) camana laaa saya boleh terfikir begitu....
tapi nak buat camana...inilah keadaan yang patut saya terima...




Just sharing....

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Jangan sedih-sedih gi bangun carik daun kelapa...

Pagi tadi adik dah di ambil oleh lakinya pergi ke Ipoh...
So sekarang tinggal saya ber2 jer ngan mak.....
Sedih...oh memang sedih....
Raya plak nanti tinggal ber2 gak ke ?? Oh saya pon tak pasti lagi camana raya nanti...

Baru jer nak bangkit balik setelah arwah abah takde...
pastu adek pulak kena pergi jauh....huhu
dua-dua orang ini memang tiang kuat dalam famili ni....
depa dua ni kebal sikit ..
memang harapan kami sefamili...

sebab arwah abah ngan adek kalau bab-bab nak driving jauh2 balik muar ker balik JB ker diarang ni memang tererr...
nak harapkan aku...? fuuh..... berada di belakang stereng pon bagiku sudah stress ini kan pulak nak drive jauh...?

lebih-lebih lagi nak drive jauh2 ber2 je dengan emak saya yang juga ada anxiety macam saya...??
lagi laa saya trauma....trauma sebab ia boleh mengingatkan saya pada episode2 panic attack yang lalu..
kalau ada sesapa yang kebal jugak contohnya macam sepupu-sepupu lelaki saya temankan kami ber2....
komfiden la sikit kalau nak bagi saya drive...huhu..... at least saya ada backup dan dapat semangat dari orang ketiga itu....
tapi kalau ber2 jer....saya memang surrender ....drive dekat2 jer boleh laaa.....

dan masalah ini insyaAllah saya mau selesaikan pada suatu hari nanti....
tapi saya perlu berdikit2 x bleh men terjah aja....
mungkin drive ke nilai dulu ker.....???

Okeh...sekian.....
saya nak gi carik daun kelapa nak buat ketupat....
raya tetap diteruskan.....



Just sharing....

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

2 hari M.C.

Isnin dan Selasa, sy pengsan jap atas katil sebab demam.....
ni baru betul-betul demam raya gamaknya...hehehe
sabtu ahad lepas puas pi window sopping.....
penat sangat atau kelabu mata sangat kot sampai terdemam-demam; nak bangun dari katil pon tak larat....

baru jer dua hari saya tak keluar rumah (kecuali pi klinik) ..
dengan hanya mengadap Siti dan Ewok (tak bleh main lelebih ngan ewok sbb dia pon demam)..
dan hanya mendengar leteran mak....dah buat saya depress dan tak sabar2 nak keje pulak....
ni baru jer 2 hari...kalo tahun depan bila adek saya dah pindah Sarawak rasanya setengah hari pon saya tak sanggup nak dok umah lama2.... boring dowwhhh asek dok bawah ketiak mak.....when can i get my own life... ?
tp nak wat camner .... telan je la dulu angan2 tu.....kalo depress gi jogging keee....gym ker...spa ker...lepak ngan member2.....insyaAllah hilang rasa depress tu....
huhuuuu.......

Rumah tu hampir sepanjang hayat saya disitu...
tak pernah pindah ke mana....kecuali 2 tahun masa belajar di Kelantan.....
Selama 2 hari tu dok terlangok dalam rumah dah menelaah betapa familiar sangat saya dengan environment dalam rumah tu....membuat saya terasaa saaannngaaat bosan.....
Tetibe terdetik di hati saya nak beli rumah la pulakk.... huhuuuuu..
Makcik kayo ko mak cik.... TIDAKKK....tp bank kayoo...hehehehe
tak saborr pulok tunggu hal2 refinance tu settle..
pastu kire budget mammpooo ke tak nak beli sejibik lagi...
well we wait and see laaa how....


Just sharing....

Sunday, 1 May 2011

Lexapro and Me...

Couples of day before 22 April 2011….

I loathed everytime I need to take my half pills of Lexapro. This is my 2nd round of Lexapro after i stopped taken it 2 years ago. Last time the effect was great…but this time was a terribly horrible experience…. This things really really super charged my mind and sometimes it shows in form of behavior until I have headache especially in the morning and before bed…. Everyday I wonder why the pills doesn’t work like last time and really can’t wait for my appointment with Dr. Kasmini to ask her why..….tick tock tick tock..

22 April 2011…

I came 30 minutes late for the appointment thanks to pendrive’s with password protection features that took my 30 minutes to figure out what’s the password (techy but not ssooo user friendly)..

Luckily the doc was ok with my lateness, but as punishment I need to wait for another 1 hour before I was called to see her…huhu….its ok for me, I loved waiting..

So the first thing I told her was the super charge of ‘high’ behaviour that I was experiencing when I took Lexapro.. (luckily I’m an introvert type of person, just keep my super charge minds and feelings to myself until I have very bad headache…what if im an extrovert…? can’t imagined what will be during that critical time, maybe i will scold everybody ? or doing crazy things never before in my life ? huhuuu) ..the doc found it really weird because Lexapro supposed to make me relaxed not high, then she started to read my medical history report with a confused look on her face……

AHAAA…the doc shouted when she found what she wanted… she said this supercharged experience due to me not taking my hormone pill together with Lexapro like last time….and she thinks may be I will not need Lexapro at all and just the hormone pills…and said anxiousness is cause by this hormone imbalance in my body…huhu…

However, she still ask me to continue with half Lexapro every other day and insist me to take Yasmin too, and see how I will response with these pills together until the next appointment on 24 May 2011

PS: However since that day I only take my Yasmin….no Lexapro at all…..so far I’m doing great…hehe


Just sharing....

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Anxious Personality

The headache and backache is killing me....
So i told the doctor yesterday about it and she said it is normal for a person who has anxious personality...
i told her that my mind didn't always think about anything stressful and worrisome these days but why the aches still occurred ?
the doctor said its not your mind fault....it is your body reaction to a stressful event that you've gotten into ,
even if your mind interpreted it as non-stressful situation however your body did...
so my mind and body doesn't interpreted some situation in a synchronize way? YEPSSSS...
hahahaa...
kind of weird haaa.......i'm also confused....
no matter what i'm just go on with it....
I will continue taking Lexapro and Yasmin until doctor ask me to stop...

Ay..ay...Doc....!!

P/s:
And by the way.... i'm not taking Lexapro for depression, because the doc said i'm not depressed, she treated me with Lexapro for my anxiety, therefore the dosage is lower compare to person who took Lexapro to treat their depression....




Just sharing....

Sunday, 8 August 2010

Krabi - layan blues sorang2

Hari ke-2 di Krabi sepatutnye kami pergi 4 islands hopping...
aku sungguh excited sebab ia antara aktiviti-aktiviti yang dinanti-nantikan..

tapi ntah macam mane beberapa minit sebelum kami naik bot....
perut aku rasa semacam....
bile ku pandang ke arah bot yg berada di tepi pantai...
makin menjadi-jadi perutku kembung ....rase seram sejuk juga ada....
bile ku pandang lagi ke arah pantai dan ku lihat laut yg terbentang meluas....
mood aku dengan tak semena-mena berubah jadi down...
perasaan takut mula muncul....

bila ku lihat ke arah wajah2 riang kawan2 seangkatan yg bakal menaiki bot bersama2....
ku tertanye...gembiranye mereka nak naik bot....tapi kenapa aku tetibe rasa takut ni ?
tiada seorang pon dari mereka2 ni tau aku ada anxiety disorder...
bolehkah mereka mententeramkan aku jika aku terkena panic attack di dalam bot ?
Tapi aku sendiri tak yakin dengan diriku sendiri....
ku teringat memori di Pulau Perhentian.....aku sungguh gembira menaiki bot ketika itu....
tapi kenapa kali ni rasa semacam? Adalah ubat Xanax yg membuatkan perasaan takutku untuk menaiki bot tiba-tiba muncul...? I am so confused ...so disoriented...

Beberapa langkah sebelum masuk ke dalam bot...
tetibe langit mendung,angin bertiup kencang dan ombak semakin kuat...
ahhhh sudah....ni tak boleh jadi... aku kene buat keputusan sekarang jugak....
nak ikut island hopping atau tinggal seorang kat AoNang.....
Angin makin kuat dan hujan turun rintik2....bot kulihat terhuyung-hayang dipukul ombak..
Kakiku terhenti.... keputusan telah diambil....
aku tak akan menaiki bot.....biarlah aku tinggal seorang kat AoNang layan blues sorang2....

Aku lambaikan tangan pada mereka....
Aku balik ke bilik hotel sorang2....
Tidak lama selepas itu...
Ku lihat hujan makin reda...
langit makin cerah....
aku terbayang alangkah indahnya dapat snorkelling bersama ikan2 di waktu ini...
tp akibat ketakutan aku yg tetibe menjelma....pengalaman ini terpaksa ku lepaskan....
jauh sudut hati ku rasa sungguh marah dgn diri sendiri.......penakut sungguh kamu ini....
fear of flying sudah kamu conquer....tp muncul pula fobia baru...fobia naik boat pulak kah ?
Aduyai....ruginya kamu...

Untuk melegakan rasa resah dihati...dan untuk menghilangkan rasa sungguh rugi tak mengikuti island hopping....
aku pergi berenang di swimming resort sebelah....
aku pergi berjalan2 di tepi pantai AoNang...
aku mandi di pantai sorang2.....

Dan ini hasil gambar yg ku tangkap semasa melayan blues sorang2.....











Just sharing....

Thursday, 15 July 2010

A visit to Cameron Highland






9-11 July 2010
its a nice trip with my close friends together with baby Azra (Ijan's daughter)....
we stay at Puncak Arabella in a cozy 3 rooms apartment
we went to Boh tea plantation, butterfly farm, cactus cottage, Rajoo strawberry farm, Kea Farm and Bharat tea plantation.
i like the strawberry waffle at Rajoo Strawberry farm very much....so yummy....
We ate and cooked a lot of vegetables during our stay because of the cheap price...Rm 10 for 10 packets of veggies that we bought from the same stall for our 3 days in a row until the girl recognised my face as 'kakak cantik'....:P
We ate a lot of Jagung too..
we stucked in 2 hour jam for a 2 km journey from Kea farm to Pasar Malam Brinchang on Saturday night and 1.5 hour from Tanah Rata to Kea Farm on Sunday Morning
Teput wanted to eat durian musang king so much that we bought 2 of them for RM88 (RM22/kg)..the verdict: yummy but a little bitter, the seeds was so small..only by eating 2 piece of it makes me full and bloated..
Shared my 2nd day lunch with Dee @ Al-Ghazali.... i like...
Shared umbrella with Dee to buy Cendawan and sayur goreng @ pasar malam during heavy pouring rain... wet..wet...wet...
In average the weather @ Cameron during our stay was 19 degree Celcius
Took 2 paracetemol for my headache that might be caused by my anxiety...
For the 1st time in my life i rode a car from Cameron to Tapah....Goshhhh.... what a terrible experience....
Almost had a full blown panic attack on the way back near Ulu Bernam-> Bukit Beruntung exit... in Teput & husband' Kia Sorento...actually during that time i felt tired and tried to sleep...but failed because my mind started to think nonsense (which remind me of my previous panic attack in a car trip), the silentness and boringness situation increased my brain activity...luckily i manage to calm down on my own without Xanax by positive thinking (i told my self i am almost at home)...if you want to know , during that episode i felt like wanting to ask the driver to pullover and jumpout from the car because i felt sooo claustrophobic...
Went to eat Mee Gulam before Teput send me home...

Its an enjoyable trip...but somehow i felt numb at times trying to fight my anxieties



Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Relapse

i think i'm having a relapse....
have had expected this...bcoz supposedly i need to take lexapro for 12 months but i only took it for a month (nov-dec 2009)...
now my anxiety have sky rocketed...my depression have kicked in....my emotion went roller coaster...
the main culprit is the krabi trip.. nervous already breakdown...fear of flying...fear of going out from my comfort zone.....aaarrrggghhhh.....need to make appointment with doc right away...

Saturday, 24 April 2010

trik-oh-till-oh-may-nee-ah

Characterized by the repeated urge to pull out scalp hair, eyelashes, facial hair, nose hair, pubic hair, eyebrows or other body hair, sometimes resulting in noticeable bald patches. Trichotillomania is classified in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) as an impulse control disorder. It may seem, at times, to resemble a habit, an addiction, a tic disorder or an obsessive–compulsive disorder. Anxiety, depression and obsessive–compulsive disorder are more frequently encountered in people with it. Trichotillomania has a high overlap with post traumatic stress disorder, and some cases may be triggered by stress. Source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichotillomania


i have this habit..a habit started when i'm 11 yrs old...i like to pull my hair but not to the extend by removing the whole hair strand from the scalp, i just like pulling the hair until i can feel the pressure on the scalp. It helps to release some tension in the head. However, sometimes i accidentally pullout the whole strand and causes some small parts of bald patches on my head. Besides that, i also like to skin picking in the scalp area...can't stand the urge to do this especially when my scalp itches. A serious skin picking habit has its special term too which is known as dermatillomania. But my version of dermatillomania and trichotillomania doesn't hurt my scalp but it hurt my shoulder a lot because i lifted my hand most of the time to satisfy my urge in doing so. Day by day i will make new day resolution not to pull my hair or pick my scalp but ended to no avail. :(


Why i loooouuurrrveeee to pull my hair and pick my skin ? This might be the answer (Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermatillomania)

In some animal models, it has been shown that animals which excessively pull their hairs have more endorphin receptors in their brain than animals who do not. Endorphin receptors enable endorphins to have an effect on the brain. If this is true for humans, people who are particularly compulsive about their repetitive habits may have more endorphin receptors in their brain as well. This may explain why sufferers get more enjoyment out of picking their scabs than others.


A tip from the web that i can consider to help with my mania from Wikipedia:

Habit Reversal Training (HRT) has the highest rate of success in treating trichotillomania. With HRT, doctors train the individual to learn to recognize their impulse to pull and also teach them to redirect this impulse.(Yeah... it is to see psychiatrist again )

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

So far so good


Having anxiety disorder makes me afraid of driving alone, especially when I had couples of episode of panic attack while driving 2-5 years back. After the incidents I rarely sat behind the driver seat even though I have a valid driving license and totally depend on my late father or my sister to take me to and from office & anywhere that I wished to go. I only took on the wheels to the nearby and very (i repeat very) familiar places around my residential area, which makes me gradually, lost some of my 'route' senses in the Klang Valley.


However now, it has been 2 years since I begin to build up courage to drive again, which started after I accepted a work offer by my current employer located just about 20 minutes drive from my house. This gave me no reason to ask for my late father or sister assistance to drive me to work, so (by hook or by crook) I have to drive myself alone almost everyday. On the first 3 months I had a few episodes of anxiety attacks while driving, however I managed to control it and keep on moving…. Yeeehaaaa…


And today for the first time, I unbelievably, drove alone to my friend’s house at Kota Kemuning Klang, which had surprised my friend with this achievement. She always had the thought that I am afraid to drive alone to Klang because I had previous record of losing directions in Klang even though I had somebody to escort me…He he….and not to forget, last month I managed to drive alone to Rawang, also to a friend’s house.


I realized that fear can be erased gradually with encouragement given by you or someone else to yourself. My encouragement comes when I realized that I don’t have my father around with me anymore to be my ‘driver’ and sooner or later my other ‘driver’, my sister will get married and stayed far away from us. Therefore I need NOT to be afraid anymore no matter what.


However I still have ‘phobias’ while driving on a flyover or a bridge that is too high above the sky, kind of makes me dizzy driving on the ‘high’way. Will try my hardest to counter the fear….wish me luck…!!! ...mmmm.. on a second thought, unless if i have a new 'driver' then i will not work hard to diminish my fear...hehehe....who wants to be my 'driver' for free ??? Any taker..?

Saturday, 14 November 2009

While Waiting for 5 PM

Today at 5 PM my friend invited me to Medan Ikan Bakar Tanjung Harapan Klang, its one of popular eating place in Malaysia for those who love seafood. As usual i'm kind of anxious, may be due to the medication or may be it's just my normal anxious feeling.

Why am i feeling anxious ? It is because these couples of day, the pain i'm having due to my anxiety disorder are getting worst when i feel anxious; heartache, headache, backache, feeling all part of my body being pressure by an unknown force....The cause of my anxieties ? May be it's because Lexapro's side effect? my doc has warned me the side effect in the first few weeks in taking Lexapro, but the side effect is much more worse compare to the previous treatment. Or may be i'm just tired after a session of futsal (well i don't think so....it is soooo unlikely causing me the pain) . Or may be i'm so stressed out for my sister relationship with her so called fiance is shaking again? mmmm may be.... it can be a part of the contributor....Or maybe because of my so called 'best friend'....Oh no.. enough maybes......
I'm just scared that when i'm out with my friends i will experience this pain and worst come to worst panic attack.... InsyaAllah I'll be fine....'Remember Allah and your heart will be at peace'

While waiting for 5 PM i made use of my time reading blogs.......and today's post that i love is non other than Sis Zabrina's blog

Blog: ~ Life Storyteller : Motivational and Inspirational Stories for You and Me ~
Post: The Story of Ice Cubes and Candles- Motivational Story about Calming Oneself Down When Distress
Link:
http://wisdomthruwords.blogspot.com/2009/11/story-of-ice-cubes-and-candles.html

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

A new course of treatment

'It's a relapse of depression... based on your symptoms it is still in early stage , however to prevent it from getting worst i will prescribe you Lexapro together with Xanax...Xanax is to be taken only needed because in early week on Lexapro, your symptoms will be slightly intensified... When you feel it then take Xanax...but you need to get off Xanax when you've got better through time' the doctor explained......mmmm another course of medication which i despise especially during the first 2 weeks waiting the medication to 100% kick off....
'you need to take Lexapro for 1 year' the doctor add some more instruction......Whatt!!! one year....?! Honestly i don't possessed discipline in taking medication on regular basis....that's why i failed in my previous course.....
'You also need to do regular physical exercise at least 3-4 a week to increase you endorphin, it's a feel good hormone, do breathing exercise when you get anxious and practice muscular progressive relaxation exercise for muscle pain... ' the doctor advise..... this one i can handle...insyaAllah.... must start hitting the gym again......
'You need to see
Obstetrics and Gynecology specialist to treat your hormone imbalance' she add ...... wah another specialist....i wonder how much that will cost me....... for seeing a psychiatrist and plus medication i've already lost RM 350.....that's a lot of money...!! i hope i can claim from my company medical insurance....

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Love you, my dear

I don't know how to express my love and appreciation to my families & friends especially those who are really dear to me....who are besides me when I’m in bad or good shape....but what I know….. I really love you all….and I believe they know it too…..

I came to work this morning with the feeling of chronic worrying, my mother is sick and I didn’t have enough sleep last night. And today at 5 PM I have first time appointment with another psychiatrist (not my usual one as I can’t reach her line after a few try), after more than a year not seeing one it kind of makes me a little bit nervous. I can’t stop worrying until I become agitated, irritated and cannot focus even 5 minutes on my work. Then an email popped into my inbox…. It was from a dear friend and the email subject is ‘Contentment’… I read his email and suddenly I feel at ease and worry no more…. Because I realized no matter how much you felt alone or left behind, there will always somebody out there who love you and will be there for you when you need someone…

This morning my sister will undergo a minor dental surgery, she is really scared until to the extent that make her thinks to runaway from it rather than being into that situation. A couple of days earlier she had asked me to be with her during the procedure just in case if she ran away there will be somebody to stop her and encourage her to go through the surgery. ‘But I’m working on that day..!’… That was my excuse… then I’ve asked my cousin to replace me…he agreed but at the same time he laughed when I told him about my sister’s situation…. He said ‘If it was you then I believed you will run away… but her...? She’s a brave girl, a hockey player, an adventurous person like her … how could that be?’…. I just smiled with amusement…..
Yesterday when her fiancé heard the news about my sister’s condition as well as my mother’s illness (my mom just contacted flu yesterday, kind of makes me worry because she has chronic bronchitis), surprisingly, he and his family drove all the way from Ipoh to come to KL just to give our family support. I’m so touched with their kindness. Thank you to them & not to forget my cousin too for being there with my family in this difficult situation. Well, I think it’s time to call my sister to see how she is doing……

Some words that I love from the email subject ‘Contentment’:

"Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have."

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that! we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Monday, 19 October 2009

How To Help Someone Suffering An Anxiety Disorder

This is very useful article if you encounter someone having a panick or anxiety attack, obtained from Getting To Know Anxiety http://www.backfrominsanity.com/. When i first read this article, it really does reflect what type of support i need during the episode of panic attack.... all i just wanted is a space where i can fight the feelings but at the same time i know there's someone i trust is there and knows i'm having an episode.... there are maybe some words of encouragement that i can tolerate which are 'Everything will be fine, it's only panic attack', 'hanging there, focus that you will be fine' and 'Allah always be with you', however it depends on the severity of the attack...at some time (the worst ever episode especially when i forgot to bring my prescription drug from Doctor or when the attack occurs due to drugs withdrawal effect) even a single noise will make me more disturbed.

Here it goes........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we go through this information, I want you to understand that this section is of
importance to those trying to help another person who is experiencing, or dealing with,
Anxiety on a daily basis. How you provide support to them may help them to control
their Anxiety to some degree.

First thing is first. NEVER belittle or try to downplay someone's Anxiety Disorder.
This is a REAL disorder and should be respected as such. Don't just dismiss their
episode as a one time event, or try and 'solve' their problem through rationalization.
You have to understand that when a person is actually going through an Anxiety attack
rationality is not something they are concentrating on. Or listening to. This is an
extremely frightening experience and no matter how much you'd want to, you CANNOT
MAKE THIS EXPERIENCE GO AWAY. Only the individual who is HAVING the
attack has the power to do this. Not YOU.

The absolute WORST thing you can do is to act as if they are LYING or ACTING to
get attention. This is simply not the case. While you may BELIEVE this to be true
because you have never yourself experienced the unrelenting terror of an Anxiety
attack, that doesn't mean that it isn't happening to someone you care about.
Imagine for a second that you had witnessed a "physical" accident that your loved one
or dear friend was a part of. Something you could SEE the outcome from. Wouldn't you
do everything in your power to help them?

What if they were trapped inside a car that was on fire? What if they were trapped
underwater and were drowning? You would want to aid them, wouldn't you? What if
they had stopped breathing? Would you just stand around watching them pass away? Or
would you do everything you could to administer CPR to them, even if you weren't sure
you were doing it correctly?

While the above examples are extreme, sometimes, to an Anxiety sufferer, it absolutely
feels like the end of their world. As if they are drowning in a sea of chaos and
disparity,unable to pull themselves out.

Also, by attempting to in effect ignore the Anxiety attack, you are probably contributing
to another disorder that goes hand in hand with Anxiety. . .Depression.
Instead of holding them down 'under water', try throwing them a life preserver the next
time they have an attack.

How can you do that? Just BE there for them. Let them know that while you may not
understand what they are going through, you are there for them and will stay until they
feel better.

Do NOT try and force someone out of an Anxiety attack. It could make the attack that
much worse for them. Just let the attack happen naturally, and in most, if not all, cases,
their bodies will help them come out of the 'hot' zone all on it's own. And if it doesn't,
get them to the nearest emergency room as soon as you can. Or call an emergency squad
to take them.

Also, NEVER try and give someone suffering from an Anxiety attack any type of
prescription drugs that have not been prescribed by their family physician. Seems like
common sense, but when you see a loved one going through such a painful event, you
really want to help them. Believe me, THIS WILL NOT HELP THEM. Getting them
to a professional source, such as an emergency room or their own family physician, for
help WILL.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOTEs:

As Malaysian... do you think this article is more useful if it is in Bahasa Melayu ? Because I think there's not much article related to mental illness which were written in Malay except in local newspapers...

Do you think that our Malaysian society is lack of information about mental illness, because they are scared of stigma related to it such as people who has mental illness are regarded as being insane or crazy ?

please response to my email mymentalhealth.blog@gmail.com or leave you comment here....Thank You....

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

When my mind become out of control, emotions went high and touch of reality fade away.....

I can't believe it ! I can blog from my office..?!! Ouh...Still taking some time to admit the fact that i can send my blog entri via my workplace..... Wow... am i happy..? Of course ! So now if i'm fasting or not going out during lunch instead of sleeping on my desk, i can go blogging... It's unbelievable actually knowing that our IT personnel didn't block this page because there are numbers of websites that are being block by them.... all email websites, facebook, friendster...and the list goes on......

As now i'm entering our office luchtime whilst fasting... i can spend my time to write today's entry.... and here it goes.....

Bismillahirahmanirahim...

When my mind become out of control, my emotions went high and my touch to reality fade away..... that's the feelings when the episode of mental breakdown occured to me. During episodes of panic attacks, anxiety went out of control, emotion going roller coaster and depression makes the big hit to the rock bottom. Sometimes (read: not all the time) when this scary moment happen in the office or anywhere else where i can't find somebody i trust to find comfort by expressing my inner feelings (read: in reality, it is difficult to find that somebody who understand what i'm going through during the episodes)....i will reach out for any medium that enable me to write my inner feelings ...and my easiest medium to reach out is my beloved handphone.

Here are some of my expression during my mental breakdown episodes that i've saved in my handphone, yeah i didn't delete the drafts.... just for future reference... and there's one i wrote using Microsoft Words in my office (obviously i forgot to bring my handphone on that day )

1. Date : 17 March 2009, Location: Office, Medium : Microsoft Words
'This is a story of me… on 17 March 2009…. A person who has generalized anxiety disorder, for about 8 year plus since first diagnosis… who has hormone imbalance which only can make me menstruate if I take hormone pills…. A person who sometimes suffers from depression in 1 hour and can be very happy 1 hour after that….. A person who had experience depression in her early life as a career woman and had the first panic attack when she finally becomes somebody’s girlfriend at the age of 21. And now on 17 March 2009 … the feeling of tense overwhelmed me thinking of…. Is there a good guy out there destined for me…? Who love me as I am...? I wrote this after a friend of me tell me about her problem… recently she become close to her ex-fiancée and wondering why suddenly this guy hitting on her again…. Then she kept receiving message from a girl… who claimed that she is getting married with her ex-fiancée on April!! I pity this poor lady because she is getting married with a guy who is still thinking of his ex-fiancée and not so sure about his feeling marrying her…. And I pity my friend because getting false hope from his ex-fiancée…. Why are guys always hurting girls feeling with his immature way of thinking and uncertainties? '

2. Date : 28 September 2009, Location : Office , Medium : My Handphone
'I need help badly ! I need to forget about something.. Everything bad that happened to my life in this year, I'm already exhausted keeping it to myself and i want out immediately! My office environment keeps the memories i want to forget or maybe the work environment that was not up to beat for me that make my mind have plenty of time think unthoughful thoughts and makes me remind of these bad feelings... Or maybe i'm just like this? Or I’m just too worried that my life turns out not as i expected how it should be like many of us here on earth ? '

3. Date : 18 September 2009, Location : Office, Medium : My Handphone
'I really need help ! i think my mental health is in problem so the effect of this mental things makes me tired physically.... i need urgent attention....urgent rectification....How do i make it go away ? Me, myself need always to think positive. There are help and cure for any ailments'

4. Date : 22 May 2009, Location : Office, Medium : My Handphone
'I don't want to eat Xanax but lately my condition is getting worst and worst ... i need help badly before i get burnout....Tekanan perasaan yang sungguh hebat ujian daripada Tuhan ke atas diriku... penyakit mental menyebabkan diriku mudah depress, panik dan fobia...sekarang ni takut pengsan je....jangan takut.... i'll be fine.... Allah ada.'

Wow.... when i read it back.... feel like i'm in total madness....... however i did survive through all the episodes.....I just need to be strong...... Thank You Allah for giving me strength..

Monday, 21 September 2009

Back in KL

Alhamdulillah ...i'm back in KL after having an enjoyable Raya in kampung. Felt tired physically but happy in my heart. Family gathering is the best part during Raya, our activities include photography session, chit chatting, teasing each other, burn fireworks and of course eat...eat and eat until i gain 5 kilos....I love being around them... laughter, love , care , togetherness surrounded us..... makes me forgot all my ailments and problems...thank you Allah for blessing me with this priceless rewards......

and heyy.... 5 minutes ago i received a text from my ex-primary schoolmate which i haven't met for a long time eventhough we live in the same area..she invited me to come over to her house for catching up on each other session...mmmm interesting huh ?.. & i am looking forward to meet her too and this causes my anxiety level up again.... yeahh, sometimes excitement and uncommon event in my life makes me nervous and sometimes panic could hits me. My mind started running wild, excitements and unfamiliar situation are able to cause my heart beats faster and my breathing faster... these two factors can lead to panic attack, if provided on that particular situation i am not strong enough physically and mentally to fight those bad thoughts and phobias. One thing i can do to ease bad thoughts and negative thinking away from my mind is to ask someone i'm comfortable with to accompany me into that unfamiliar situation... having that person as a companionship can focus down my bad thoughts to her/him rather than going alone ..because by going alone i have me by myself, i will have all my thoughts focus on me... and only me ... and this will intensify my anxiety.

Sunday, 20 September 2009

A Little bit of ThiS & tHat .... and taDaaaa..!


Bismillahirahmanirahim.....
Ketupat ..check...rendang..check.......kuah kacang check....kuah lodeh... mmm tomorrow morning there's enough time to prepare.. cookies... check...duit raya ...check... So far my Hari Raya Aidilfitri (Eid Mubarak) preparation seems to be as planned. Yeay..!. Me and my family will be heading to Negeri Sembilan and Johor this morning to visit beloved Atok, aunties, uncles and cousins...being with them is always the thing that i am happily looking forward to do...however, the sad part is, this is first Aidilfitri without the man of my life. I miss him dearly since he passed away... Al-fatihah...may his soul be blessed by the Almighty.
Enough about Hari Raya... Lets focus on this blog's main agenda... and today i would like tell a little bit about me and my generalized anxiety disorder.
My personality before i was diagnozed: I have low self esteem... a quiet person, always keep to my self, less feelings, slow reaction, not to forget sleeping is my favourite past time, procrastination and can easily became very anxious in situation that i don't like to be involve in... such as presentation, interview, being around guys as i will feel uncomfortable, high place like inside cable car and the list goes on...
but my anxieties are always under control and bearable....
UNTIL... on one fine day that i've experienced difficulties in breathing, extreme fear and confusion, feelings that i'm gonna die, rapid heartbeat and shaking profusely... yeah this it's what we call panic attacks ! and this first episode of my panic attacks at the age of 21 triggers the beginning of my session with psychiatrist.
My biological contribution factor: Firstly I have PCOS (Please Google it yourself for details if you really want to know what it is... there's not enough room for me the explain the details about pcos..) and hormon imbalance which makes me easily feeling stress (This fact i obtained through my readings... ). Secondly, my psychiatrist told me that anxiety disorder can run in family... and that's true because my mother did have the same problem but not as bad as mine...but luckily my sister didn't have it, she's totally opposite of me, so i created my own theory on how did i inherited this ailment but not my sister.. its because i'm the first child, thus my mother's anxiety level during pregnancy is greater...
During a session with my psychiatrist, she had explained people that suffering from anxiety disorder and depression have brain chemical imbalance called serotonin as well as other substances that my ears failed to catch the medical terms or the words she's telling me and i don't even know how to pronounce it (so please fogive me ) , therefore i've dedicated this link for more information : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalized_anxiety_disorder